«
»

Top

Love life in the face of illness: how to cope?

Published 14 Feb 2019 • By Louise Bollecker

Love life in the face of illness: how to cope?

Today is Valentine's Day! This emblematic day, sometimes criticized for its commercial and marketing impact, undoubtedly evokes love. We organised a poll* to allow you to express your views on this subject. Does being chronically ill affect romantic life? Does caring for a patient also have an impact? Here are your answers.

Amour-couple-maladie

 

Maintaining an intimate and sexual life: a challenge for 31.2% of respondents

The question "as a patient or family member, what impact does the disease have on your love life", a majority of participants answered that their intimate and sexual life is difficult. There are many reasons for this: decreased libido due to fatigue, erectile dysfunction, localised pain... Having a chronic disease can severely disrupt intimate relationships with your partner. As for patients' relatives, they too may experience psychological or even physical exhaustion.

>> Join our discussion group on Men's Health

For patients who have not found a soulmate, the disease can also hinder the meeting someone. Our large isolation survey revealed that 57% of patients had reduced their outings and social activities. Opportunities to meet new people are therefore more limited. In addition, 88% of patients reported an impact of isolation on their intimate life and 98% on their social life.

Relationships with partners are more difficult for 21.5% of respondents

For 21.5% of patients and relatives of patients who responded to the survey, relationships with their partners became more complicated due to the disease. Patients may suffer from their spouse's misunderstanding or no longer have enough energy to devote time and attention to them.

Only 9.3% of the participants were lucky enough to see their relationship strengthened by the ordeal of the disease. Many couples separate after being diagnosed with a disease; moreover, a recent study showed that a woman is six times more likely to experience a separation after being diagnosed with cancer or multiple sclerosis than a man in the same situation. 

Remaining alone, the solution for 18.3% of respondents

"I want to be alone partly because of the disease" is the answer given by 18.3% of respondents to our survey. Scars, weight gain or loss, or medical equipment can lead to a poor self-image. Difficulties in maintaining a normal couple's life or fear of rejection of the other can discourage people to attempt to date.

>> Join our group on pain treatment and find solutions

What can I do to find a fulfilling love life?

Health professionals recommend that ,first and foremost, these issues should be discussed with your partner. Communication is the tool that will allow you, in many cases, to make things happen. Everyone, at their own pace, without forcing themselves, will be able to relearn how to have a dialogue with their partner.

If you have not found a soul mate, remember that you are not defined solely by your illness. You keep the qualities you had before you became ill or cared for a sick relative. Sexuality can take many forms, whether your illness is disabling or not.

Symptoms of disease that impact on intimate life should also be treated as soon as possible. Neurological, cardiovascular, physical or psychological symptoms can affect sexuality, as can the side effects of a drug. Talk to your doctor to reduce fatigue, pain and improve your morale. You can also consult a specialist:

- A psychologist can help you overcome your problems and accept your illness or that of your loved one
- A sexologist will advise you on all aspects of sexuality, both physical and emotional
- A gynaecologist treats the disorders of the female genital system to help them limit pain or various discomforts
- A urologist is responsible for the male urogenital system and can advise you on erectile disorders or other pains.

 

And you, is your love life put in difficulty from a disease? Talking about it is already moving towards a loving and sexual intimacy, whatever it may be, that will open you up. Have you treated any specific symptoms?

Carenity

avatar Louise Bollecker

Author: Louise Bollecker, Community Manager France

Community Manager of Carenity in France, Louise is also editor-in-chief of the Health Magazine to provide articles, videos and testimonials that focus on patients' experiences and making their voices heard. With a... >> Learn more

23 comments


avatar
Unregistered member
on 10/10/2019

@Maggie-mae you are one lucky lady hats off to your lovely paul xx


Tigger.co.uk
on 11/10/2019

That is beautiful Maggie just like mine he sounds a lovely guy I hope you spend the rest of your life happy lots of love and hugs from Tiger xx


Liam2863
on 11/10/2019

My "Spouse" and I have been together for 20 years (11 years ago we had a Civil Partnership Ceremony).  My Medical Conditions: I have Psoriasis, Type 2 Diabetes (On Insulin/Tablets), Nash, suspected Primary Hypogonadism, Aneamia, Hypertension, Just to name a few - He is always there for me and vice versa, he also suffers with medical conditions too.

My point is that if you love someone it does not have to be based on sexual intimacy. A cuddle and/or the words "I love you" mean more than anything to me.


JamesP
on 12/10/2019

Liam2863 I agree with you, love and sex are not the same things. You can have one without the other. Rape is an extreme example.

However, sex is an inbuilt instinct of all animal life including humans. Without it, life would become extinct. Many neurological conditions give rise to a heightened sexual urge because of a malfunction in the brain. Not to be taken too literally, I give you an analogy, If, say, a neurological condition resulted in a feeling of hunger, the person will feel the need to eat although they may already have had sufficient. How you satisfy that perceived need is the problem. Something to eat will satisfy that need, love or sex does not come directly into the equation. But love may prompt sympathy for the victim in order to deal with that need.

So far as a male is concerned, ejaculation eminently satisfies a sexual need. Sexual intercourse is undoubtedly the preferred method. Masturbation with a partner's cuddles, participation and encouragement is another possibility and there are others involving mechanical devices. I would suggest that to leave the victim without the release that ejaculation brings could be said to be the cause of their resentment. Remember, the root cause is their neurological condition and it's not their fault. Love should recognise this and make allowances, please.


lesmal • Ambassador
on 01/11/2019

Love and sex are 2 totally separate issues.

One can love someone but need not have the sex drive to keep the relationship going! Many people are bed-bound so their sex life is nil, but they can still have a caring and compassionate partner that loves them for who they are, not for what they can give them, i.e. sex!  

My first marriage lasted only 4 years but I practically never saw my ex-husband due to him doing night shift. Our sex life obviously dwindled, together with his not accepting my epilepsy. I remarried and have now been with my 2nd husband for just over 31 years. He is a caring husband who accepts my epilepsy, cooks for me due to accidents I've had in the kitchen due to seizures, makes sure I visit the doctors when needed, ensures I safely catch bus transport and is always there! 

Due to constant health conditions, i.e. epilepsy, osteoporosis, brain surgery and many more, together with the pain and falls from seizures that these involve, my sex drive again dwindled.

My husband is a great partner and we work as a team. This is so much more important to me; we have a good lovable relationship which is what counts!  

You will also like

How does changing time affect our health?

How does changing time affect our health?

Read the article
Light therapy: What is it and how can it benefit our health?

Light therapy: What is it and how can it benefit our health?

Read the article
What medications can cause hair loss?

What medications can cause hair loss?

Read the article
Which medications can cause adverse effects on the muscles?

Which medications can cause adverse effects on the muscles?

Read the article

Most commented discussions