Depression

Hi Jemma and Welcome.

It is sad that you feel unable to talk about your illness; depression is still a taboo subject as can be any form of mental health illness. 

Never be ashamed of admitting that you sometimes find life a struggle. 

The more we all talk about mental health issues then the more acceptable it will become in society. No one is immune from this illness.

From my own personal experience when my anxiety depression first started I didn't feel 'ready' to talk; I had neither the energy nor the inclination to do either.

 I declined counselling when it was offered at my GP , when I finally acknowledged/accepted that I wasn't coping on my own. This was when I had thoughts of how easy it would be to walk out in to traffic.

My 30 year marriage was in tatters following my now ex's adultery ; we were soulmates and had planned our future for when our children had grown up.

I had trusted him 100% with everything and now I was facing having no finances, home or future. I felt totally overwhelmed. He played mind games for over 3 years and each time I fell for them so deep was my love for him. He was diagnosed a being' psychotic + delusional' but all of his nasty actions weren't all down to mental health.

My elderly dad was diagnosed with COPD , my sister with cancer and I was facing redundancy from my part time job; my only form of income. On one of his last returns he had actively told me to 'give my job up '. Had I listened , then my life would be totally different.

2 of our children were at important stages of education; his actions really did impact on their 'well being'. 

I am now in a wonderful place in my life but it hasn't been easy nor has it been a quick recovery; it has been a long, lonely, painful ,frightening, dark path but there really is light at the end of the darkest tunnel.

Along with medication and a lot of self help, my life has completely turned around. My self esteem has returned , I no longer 'accept' his behaviour was a result of me being a bad wife, mum, daughter etc. I am the victim not him.

Letting go of the anger that I feel towards him regarding his treatment to not only myself but also our children was the hardest thing for me. Channeling that anger in to something positive has been the biggest hurdle.

The more that you talk either on here or to some close friends/family then the less impact whatever issue it is causing your depression will have on you. I would protect my ex and not tell anyone what was really going on. I felt embarrassed ; now I no longer feel the need to.

Once you acknowledge, accept and embrace help 100% then your journey to a better life will begin.

I am always here to listen/chat if it can help you in any way.

Gentle hugs

Julie x