How to meet someone romantically when you have cancer?

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Posted on

Hi, I've just joined so I hope it's ok that I post here. 

I'm newly diagnosed with ovarian cancer and from what I've heard and read it looks like I'm in for years of treatment. I'm 36 and I don't have a partner or children. 

Apparently the chances of recurrence and metastasis are rather high, especially in the next few years. And then, if I get through this, I will likely not be able to have children, or if I still can, it will be difficult. 

Just before I learned about all of this I signed up on a dating app... Yesterday, someone on the app messaged me and we chatted a bit. Then a lot of questions went through my head. Is it right to bring someone into this mess? Is is right for me to love and be loved right now? Am I selfish for wanting a 'normal' life?

Has anyone felt like this or been through this? I'm feeling lost...

Thanks for any responses xx

Beginning of the discussion - 04/11/2021

How to meet someone romantically when you have cancer?

• Community manager
Posted on

Hello @Karina1985‍, thank you for sharing what you've been going through. Navigating relationships when you're dealing with a serious diagnosis can be challenging. Let me tag some other members who can possibly share with you.

Hello all, how are you today?

Can you relate to what @Karina1985‍ is feeling? Do you think it's hard to meet people when you have cancer? How do you navigate romantic relationships?
@Margburns@alfiegucci@longmuir1949@Louise5@Lyndasclc@scobro@pratapmehta@colinlivi@PTaylor65@CaptainMike@Dollid@Hungrymonk@IM7642@poppygirl@Kevallen@Debsmc@Melissa123@Bobsie@Alan46@AnthonyRobson‍ 

Don't hesitate to share your experiences and advice with us here!

Take care,
Courtney

How to meet someone romantically when you have cancer?


Posted on

Hello @Karina1985‍ 

First of all, I am so sorry to hear about your diagnosis, being told that is one of the most devastating things (I was diagnosed in March with a lymphoma), your life changes forever. So I would say, try to take time out from the dating app to get your own head around your diagnosis first. It takes time to accept that you have cancer, it took me a good 4 months, to accept it and I still have days where I think 'Flipping heck...I have cancer!' You have to go through all the stages, it's a bit like grief. 

Get some support through a local cancer charity; I searched for local support and came up with a great support group. We have a weekly Zoom meeting and occasionally meet up for a day/afternoon out or lunch, we all support one another and all of us have different prognoses; I'm the only one with a diagnosis of cancer for the rest of my life, the rest are either part way through treatment or are terminal, but it isn't all doom and gloom, we have a laugh!

As for dating, I would mention something on your profile about it, that way they're fully informed from the start. Something like, "Newly diagnosed with cancer, but I'm still me, it isn't contagious!"

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