What attachment style do you have? Secure, Anxious, Avoidant or Fearful-Avoidant?
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Four distinct forms of attachment styles are recognized by therapists, counselors, and mental health experts. These characteristics or styles are based on attachment theory, which was initially put out by British psychotherapist John Bowlby in the 1960s.
Those who feel secure have healthy, realistic expectations that their own needs will be fulfilled as well as the ability to meet the needs of others.
An anxious attachment is termed unstable and insecure with the constant need or reassurance.
Avoidant (also called dismissive) attachments style's main characteristic is being uncomfortable with closeness and emotional intimacy.
This attachment style is a mix of feeling anxious and insecure + feeling scared of intimacy and emotional closeness.
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Which attachment style do you think you have? How does it affect your life and relationships? Let's talk!
Polina from the Carenity team
I think throughout life one suffers from all the stated anxieties but as one grows older, more experience, encouragement, support one can jump from one to another leaving some, or most of the old feelings behind tucked away but they can rear their ugly feelings at times, it's trying to find a suppressant method.
I personally feel secure this has taken many years to develop gaining life experiences, knowledge and confidence so if the demons return I can cope with them to stop any damage they would like to do. Everyone is different.
I think I have had all the four distinct forms of attachment ,depends on your level of depression and how you deal with it. Lots have changed since the 1960s more information more insight into the different types of depression. The change from medication to zombie level ,to more talk therapy more understanding
i have the 4 distinct forms of attachment styles, as recognised by therapists, counsellors and mental health experts.
I have an anxious attachment, an avoidant (dismissive) attachment and a fearful- avoidant/disordered attachment .
I am unstable and insecure but I do not have a constant need for reassurance, in fact I do not seek any reassurance.
I am uncomfortable with closeness and emotional intimacy. I am anxious and insecure and I feel scared of intimacy and emotional closeness.
Of course this has effected my life in a big way, but now at age 79 I am much less afraid of the feelings. However being alienated from the human race, being unable to form normal friendship and being unable to have emotional intimacy and closeness has been difficult, as the "experts" tell us that we are all social beings, who have an instinctive urge for closeness with other human beings, an inherent need for friendship and intimacy. I do not have any close friends and my wife and I are unable to have a meaningful relationship because of my crippling emotional inadequacy.
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@BrianM So sorry to hear about your predicament it must be or has been debilitating for both of you , you have managed to keep your marriage together which is a major achievement well done to you both.
@BrianM I hope you find some form of comfort in knowing you yourself are a survivor of a war within yourself. I do not know if you ever had any abuse or abandonment issues in your early life, or if you have ever looked to see if there is any form of clinical disorder within your medical history. However it sounds to me that the battles you have overcome has proven your inner strength is what has sustained you. Keep resisting the false messages you are receiving from yourself, for you are indeed a true loving person. Blocking emotions is something we never want none of us. Our social masks for many are now made of steel I too was a very driven person my inner fear of acknowledging my hidden wounds is what allowed me to perform while inside I was completely isolated from every person who showed me affection or kindness. Yet many would describe me as very loving giving and very approachable person. So my friend, do we continue to play a role? or do we take the risk and reveal our true self? it begins with you and you alone. Always bear in mind as a species we are all experts at the art of pretence so very few in life can truly be themselves without fear, and expose warts and all.
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I have battled with this disorder for many years. I practiced as a Counsellor one to one and group support work. Over the years I developed a Life Coping Skill practice. In facing our pasts we can live in the present. I happened upon meditation in 1980. Transferring oneself through meditation helped very much my choice was an eagle, and in many times in life my eagle has taken me on his wings and allowed me to free myself of the present painful experience (lumber puncture, labour pains, dentist care etc). My living bereavement is something I knew I had to find a way to function every day to live in the moment. I would urge people who suffer as I did to reach out to whatever method suits them, most of all to learn to move breathe and be in the moment. Keep up the good work, this is my first time to express myself in this way. I can only say love yourself, everything which happens in life outside of the self can never be controlled only the I is the one that can change you from within.
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