im lost and afraid
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im a 35 yr old male recently dumped by my girlfriend , the girl of my dreams and im afraid of growing old .I suffer depression which i blame for my failed relationship . I know i put the girl through a tough two yrs before we split but it was never my intention to drag her down with me . she is a very bubbly outgoing person who loves socializing among friends and then there is me always wanting to stay at home , even in summer i pull all the curtains and binge watch netflix. my girlfriend was 9 yrs younger than me and the age gap always bothered me . about six weeks ago after another argument we decided that i move out . as she is polish and im irish it was her family that drove us apart when they moved from poland to ireland to live with us while they got on their feet and eventually found a place of their own.just the constant chatter of a foreign language was doing my head in .it was like they took over my house, our house and she was spending time with them always leaving me to go to my room and sulk. this was going on for two years almost. she didnt understand my condition this depression that i had and she was angry alot when i didnt want to do stuff with her , i just didnt want to go out. anyway after i moved out i have been to amsterdam with a friend and had sex with some working girls to try and use it as some sort of therapy if that makes any sense to you good people. im not a bad guy , i dont drink or smoke i work in an old folks home caring for the elderly. then i slept with two work colleagues and one i meet on an online dating app . i feel like im out of control . with no clear direction to head in . i cant imagine anyone wanting to be with someone like me . even though i am a bit happier since my split because the space has given me time to think i miss her so much . i know she will find some handsome young stud excuse the pun . im worried that ill never find anyone i can truly be happy with . and i destined to be a lone ranger ??? four of my uncles never married and are miserable old men living alone will that be me !!!! if live until sixty and die of a heart attack ill be happy and if not ill do it myself thats my plan. seeing the old people where i live and the struggle just to do another day , thats not for me ill die young infact i plan too. at the minute im just living each day hoping some miracle will happen and breathe life into my tired soul.
Really sorry to hear this, so ermm i have been dumped 2 times by men, for same reasons they didnt love me anymore and they didnt want a relationship first relationship was my first proper bf that lasted 5 months but at least he did dump be face to face, no we not friends anymore he stopped that by putting something mean on fb on vals day.
Most recent ex was only a month but i thought he could be someone i could have kids with, so it hurts so so much.
I am just taking one day at time but everthing hurts and somehow triggers a memory of my exs :(
I am only 24 and i dont beleive in love anymore
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