Depression

Sounds as if you and I inhabit the same soap box.  I do not prescribe to a set religion, there are bits and pieces I believe, or that fit my thinking, from various faiths, and some of it is just my own  belief based on things that have happened.  Like you, I need to see and touch to believe.

The closest any religion comes to my hotchpotch of ideas is Buddhism, while I don't follow the religion, it does seem one of the most peaceful and believable of many I have studied.  I agree, the amount of pain, suffering and atrocities committed in the name of religion is incredible.

You only have to read the problems of people on here to know life can cause enough pain and suffering without us inflicting it upon each other in the name of something for which there is no tangible evidence.

Some people get comfort from it and need a belief system in their lives, so I guess it serves a purpose, provided it does not become an obsession that prevents living ones life in the way one wants.

Suncatcher2015

life is a roller coster my life 2 people died in 2 years last im struggling at mo but read ya posts Darren cos I need inspiration and ya positive an im not at mo

Daren's posts are very inspirational and he knows so much about medication, they are always worth reading.:)

thanks suncatcher

Throughout my 40+ years of suffering depression I can honestly say that I have never benefitted by seeing psychiatrists, clinical psychologists or CPN's. My only positive experiences have been with a counsellor and (briefly) a nurse at a psychiatric hospital. Unfortunately my counsellor went and died on me and the replacement counsellor just didn't gel with me. It took me quite a long time to find the right drugs that suited me and my condition and am currently kept in a low but stable condition by my anti depressants and anti psychotics. I just hope that I can maintain my equilibrium. Even the slightest "jolt" may knock me off this equilibrium and take me back to the bad old days.
One thing that has frustrated me throughout my years of dealing with the Black Dog is that I have never been told about a reason for my condition. I have spent many, many hours trying to analyse myself but have never had a "eureka" moment. Can depression be hereditary. Can dementia be hereditary too?

I have suffered from anxiety and depression since I was a child -I'm now 41. I'm always searching for answers and find it difficult to believe that there's a chemical imbalance in my brain as it's my thoughts that drive me insane. Surely that's my own fault. I'm currently off work long term for the first time, I'm a teacher and I was breaking down crying in class. I can't seem to cope with my children who are3 and 5. I dread going to sleep as that means I will wake up and I know my thoughts will be just as strong and hurtful.  I'm always thinking of how to fix things - move house, give up work, etc. I have been on antidepressants for 20 years on and off And have just changed from clomipramine to sertralene 150mg but see no improvement. My thoughts keep me in turmoil and I can't see how life is worth living like this. What kind of a mother is always screaming at her children and crying. I can't even take them to school/play school. I'm scared I'm eventually going to drive my husband away. I just want this nightmare to end. Sorry for being so dramatic.

Hi @Smudge74

I don't think you are being dramatic - just honest.  Your thoughts are not your fault - I see with my step-son and husband, just how powerful and destructive thoughts can be.  When Michael thought the doctors and nurses in the hospital were not real, actors pretending to be doctors, no amount of logic and reasoning would convince him otherwise.  When my husband disappears into his black hole for weeks at a time and is tormented by his worry over his son or one of the other triggers, I can tell him not to worry, to concentrate on the good things in his life, but the fact is, he can't see the good things while he is in that space.  The chemical imbalance is causing him to think this way, and there is nothing he or I can do to change it, until he comes through it in his own way.

Try and find somewhere near to you running the 'Mental Health First Aid' course, maybe your local MIND is running it.  If your husband went on that course, he would understand much more about your illness and perhaps the insight will help him to help you.  Just a thought, but that is what I did and it helped me to understand my husband and step-son, which in turn has helped me 'put up with' if that is the right phrase, much more than I might otherwise have done.

Keep the faith

Suncatcher2015

Hi Suncatcher

Thanks for your reassurance. I would really like my tablets to help me improve as I feel it's too hard to do all by myself, so I have to believe that they will. I even feel like a burden on the doctor. I'll look into the mental health first aid course. Thanks for the advice. Your husband and step son are lucky to have you.

Smudge74

Hi everyone!

I am new to this site & not sure if this is the right place to post! I have suffered depression on and off for a few years, sometimes on medication but I always tend to stop when I feel a bit better because I feel there's a bit of a taboo with anti depressants. But I am at the point where I am lower than I have ever been and I can't seem to pull myself out of it! Is drugs the way forward? Is it ok to be on them long term? 

Thanks :) 

Weezy x

Hi @Weezyg 

My husband has been permanently on drugs for his depression ever since I have known him, which is just over ten years.  He can't cope without them.  I don't see a problem with being on them long term, particularly if you go down hill again when you stop.  Don't let your embarrassment about it put you off taking something that does you good. 

Suncatcher2015