I've had enough

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Edited on 20/08/2017 at 16:03

I hate me, I'm stupid, a useless failure, evil, I wish I had the guts to end it all. I'm so mixed up, frightened and weepy. I usually manage to hide most of it , I think but I am awake most of the nifght then sleep till lunch time. I feel empty, detached as though I'm in a bubble watching my self. A part of me wants to run away so I'm not hurting anyone anymore. I want to escape the prison of depression but I am so tired. I am wide awake, anxious and agitated and have the thought that it would be better for everyone if I wasn't around. I've had enough and don't know what to do. I am having counselling but the demons come at night or when I am on my own. I have talked to her about it all but I feel really bad today. It wouldn't take much for me to lose it, I feel like I'm hanging onto my sanity by a thread. I can't hang on much longer. The tears are fighting their way through. I want to scream and shout but mainly just walk away and go somewhere by the sea. I love the sea I feel like I could walk into it and keep going but something just holds me back but I don't want it to. I want to surrender to the thoughts. I'm poison I hurt everyone. I don't know whether I am making any sense in this post but I'm just typing the words that are in my head as they come. Sorry for bothering you but I need to let it out a bit. I wish me dead I'm no use to anyone.

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Margarita_k

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21/08/2017 at 10:30

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Margarita_k

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Last activity on 07/10/2020 at 11:39

Joined in 2016

1,195 comments posted | 28 in the Living with anxiety and other mental illnesses group

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Hello @Tizzely,

I am so sorry to hear everything you've been through, but you can't think that 'ending it all' is the solution.

Have you already tried counseling? Are you seeing someone for your depression or taking medications?

I advise you to hang on and do some stuff you like to find some happiness, like going to the sea as you say, or doing some sport, if there is one you like.

Life is too precious just to give up. You have a lot of people that love you and need you, focus on that.

All my thoughts go to you.

Best,

Margarita

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I've had enough https://www.carenity.co.uk/forum/other-discussions/living-with-behavioural-disorders-mental-illne/ive-had-enough-1923 2017-08-21 10:30:02

Unregistered member

22/08/2017 at 19:48

Dear Tizzely

It makes me so sad to hear how low you feel at the moment. You recognised in your post that you are still grieving the loss of your father. Missing a parent is very real and deep. I've lost my parents too and not everyone will understand how painful that is. You said you are having counselling but the nights are difficult. Often when it is dark and quiet and we are alone things can feel much worse, I have felt like that too. Could you listen to some music on headphones at night that soothes and relaxes you? Smell can also lift our mood, could you make some essential oils you love into a blend and rub them on your feet and around your pillow and inhale their aroma... these are some things that have helped me. More than anything the thing to remember is the people who do care. When you feel bad, come onto this forum and pour your heart out. We are all here to help each other.

Big warm hug,

I've had enough https://www.carenity.co.uk/forum/other-discussions/living-with-behavioural-disorders-mental-illne/ive-had-enough-1923 2017-08-22 19:48:19

Unregistered member

23/08/2017 at 14:42

Thank you Margarita and C for your kindness. I felt so alone, feel so alone, I've got a lovely hubby but I'm making him ill. My sister makes me feel stupid and when I know I am going to see her I get really anxious. I knwo I need help more than just the counselling so have a Dr's appointment this afternoon. I want to hurt, really hurt and it scares me. Thank you for your kindness Tizzely x

I've had enough https://www.carenity.co.uk/forum/other-discussions/living-with-behavioural-disorders-mental-illne/ive-had-enough-1923 2017-08-23 14:42:16

Margarita_k

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24/08/2017 at 10:54

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Margarita_k

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Last activity on 07/10/2020 at 11:39

Joined in 2016

1,195 comments posted | 28 in the Living with anxiety and other mental illnesses group

1 of their responses was helpful to members

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Hello @Tizzely,

Don't let anyone, not even your sister, make you feel inferior or stupid, you are worth a lot and you have to repeat that to yourself.

I am glad you went to a Dr, was it ok? How did it go?

Wish you a lovely day,

Margarita

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I've had enough https://www.carenity.co.uk/forum/other-discussions/living-with-behavioural-disorders-mental-illne/ive-had-enough-1923 2017-08-24 10:54:14

I've had enough

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