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I have just woken up to the realisation that despite everything my head keeps telling me, I`m not that bad a person actually.
Today is my eldest daughters 17th birthday !
2011 her mother was having an affair and decided to accuse me of domestic violence just so she could end the marriage, she took both my daughters from me to a refuge and denied me any contact with my girls for a year and a half.
She even tried to use my depression and anxiety to show how unfit i was as a father.
It took four and a half years of family court for the truth to come out and that wasn't easy either.
Now my girls live with me in a lovely house in the lake district, Their mother has not been seen for 4 years.
We lost everything because of someone elses selfishness but now big girl has hit 17 she left high school after winning pupil of the year and started grammer school sixth form after passing all her exams with flying colours, she has just passed her A levels and has been invited to audition for the Royal Manchester Academy of Music.
Both she and her sister constantly make me a proud father.
Anybody that reads this post thinking they arent strong enough or cant go on or doubts their own abilities, i was in such a dark place and very nearly didnt make it out but i did. It is possible despite what you think so keep on fighting.
I may need extra help now though. I have to teach her to drive !!!!!!!
Well done to you and your daughters.
... You will move your feet like their are some pedals on your side. There may be a metaphor for mental illness in their somewhere but I'm not smart enough to find it!!
The truth always comes out in the end Phil and I am so pleased that was the case for you.
Your daughter's must be so proud to call you "Dad" .
So often , the man of the relationship ; the innocent victim is portrayed as the "bad one". My heart goes out to any men that this has happened too.
My now ex, despite being diagnosed as being "delusional and psychotic"has told his now ex work colleagues that "I was mentally ill"!!
He made out from day 1 of the divorce petition that I was a bad wife, daughter, daughter in law and even a failure as a mum. After a 30 year marriage , reading that hurt me so much. All because he wanted to live a double life whilst lying ,deceiving everyone who loved him.
In the beginning, I owned his guilt but as time has gone on I refuse to accept it. To this day, he's still in his own little bubble . My conscience is 100% clear. I have been the only parent there for our family. He has turned his back on them all but insists on blaming them for his own downfalls.
I am so proud of how they have coped. They have gone on to achieve so much.
I have been so blessed ; we have all supported each other.
I was the one there to stand by our children on their; Graduation, marriage, meeting our 1st grandchild, being at their bedside when they were seriously ill in hospital.
Life hasn't been easy ; I married in "sickness and in health". I didn't break our wedding vows but I still stood by him.
Yes, I am angry at him/his actions as he used me whilst he was planning the divorce and subsequent marriage in secret 5 months after our divorce. I have to let go of my anger as he is still controlling me if I don't.
After a long hard road , I am in such a wonderful place with a loving man. There is life after divorce/ anxiety depression but it is a dark journey .
Good luck on the driving lessons Phil.
Thankyou julie, i used to dwell on the past and hope for some form of justice, this caused me so much pain and anger and would eat me up inside. There was never any justice, what she did right through the whole thing was not only morally sickening but illegal too and sadly the way things are she will never be punished but there are only two people that know the truth.
She is now living her life based on lies, she has lost so much, even her own children but despite what she tells anybody around her she still has to go to sleep everynight with the truth. That is enough for me !
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leave me alone i`m scared of being lonely
I completely agree with your comments Phil. Anger and hurt used to eat in to me so much ; like your ex he was and still is living a life of lies. My ex has lost everything he once held so dear; a loving family, his friends, the home we built together not forgetting his respect and dignity; despite knowing all this I still have bouts of anger and wanted him to feel the pain, humiliation and embarrassment that he put me through.
I know that I am well rid of him as he will never have what he has lost ,but I still get angry at myself for getting him medical help, letting him return home only for him to clear his wardrobe out a few days later when I was working .He would then make me feel guilty with sad messages how he was 'needing space to sort himself out" All along he was with her. He even spent his 50th birthday with her in Mexico whilst messaging that he was away working.
I was so stupid and gullible. As you say Phil, the truth always comes out.
The mere fact that he can't face any of us speaks volumes and it really is his loss. I am proud of myself getting through the last few years and you should be too Phil.
We are both proof that although the path is long and hard there is light at the end of the very dark tunnel.
I wish the the very best of everything in life Phil.
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