Depression: How to cope with loneliness?
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I've been alone for many years now and since COVID it's just gotten worse and worse. I feel like I can't relate to people anymore. I'm not sure how to cope anymore.
Hello @Just_Sad, thank you for opening this discussion. I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so lonely. Depression really has a way of isolating us from others. Let me tag some other members who can possibly share with you.
Hello everyone, have you ever felt lonely or like you can't relate to others along your journey with depression? How do you cope with loneliness? How do you connect with others?
@Gemma-Louise @littlemisskitty @Chris5k @stephanieannie @Butterbean6 @lion997 @redgan @Hotrod1958 @lorna1314 @Helenmary @Janey124 @groundstate @Katwatson72# @jaybelevee @Leahladyhd @cozcat @MicaUC
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Courtney_J, Community Manager, Carenity UK
@Just_Sad I understand exactly. Depression is an isolating thing. It makes us not want to be around people and unfortunately sometimes it makes people not want to be around us. Double-edged sword. I have good days and bad, but overall for me I find it easiest to connect with people who understand depression in groups like this one.
I'm the same. A long marriage of 36years broke up last January pre covid as I argued with my son . My wife and I had been rocky for a while and they both took off around her recently deceased mother's ( at the time ) and I've practically lost all contact with both . I said things I regret but it seems they've resolved to have as little to do with me as possible after leaving me in debt and emptying my bank account.
Obviously there's always 2 sides but I can only say it as I feel and see . For all our marriage I'd been the one made the majority of decisions until I got ill and she became my carer. She seemed resentful and over the last 2 years of our marriage it was bitter and I could see what happened coming in all honesty.
Anyhow of all the times for a marriage break up , pre covid epidemic was definitely an awful choice I struggled badly and IMHO went through a breakdown without being diagnosed as Covid put everything on hold . Having always lived with friends or a partner at 65 I found myself alone for the first time ever . I'd honestly been so wrapped up in my marriage and sons problems I practically lived solely within the family despite having lots of friends on Facebook and people I know but Covid put pay to visitors and I had to fight really hard to avoid deep depression. So I found myself alone and struggled all of last year . I'd like to say life's better as I'm going to my local club at times and made a small circle of friends but rarely get visits.
I'm afraid I still miss them both badly. My sons working in Somerset building houses and my wife's house is practically visible as it's only a couple of miles away on the other side of the valley that's the town centre. She's definitely not in love with me and wants no contact. Hardly surprising the debts and bad state she left me in .
Anyway it's about 18 months since we split and having always lived in a family type unit I find loneliness terrible. I struggle with making new friend's as although I'm outgoing I find it a strange situation at my time of life and I guess I'm out of practice. In all honesty I'm 67 now and struggle. I miss the constant contact that comes with being part of a family. I wish people would knock more as loneliness and depression make good bedfellows and I generally feel lonely. Anyhow it feels good to moan so there's my tuppence worth 😌
I'm fairly strong minded and refuse to buckle but must admit there's been the odd day I've stayed in bed . Time however is healing and I'm not almost suicidal like I was last summer at times so I'm hoping to get involved in some community action or even a colleague course should this Covid ever let us mix freely again.
Anyway there's my introduction. Hard last year but not giving up yet and slowly despite the pandemic I'm finding I'm getting better ( though never happy with ) living alone .
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I grew up in a household where my parents did not relate at all and their interactions had no love or kindness; as a result I suffered childhood emotional neglect and I never developed a capacity to relate effectively with myself or others. I never formed genuine friendships only superficial relationships. I married but we have no relationship, just a superficial relationship. I have no experience of a genuine relationship or friendship with anyone, so when I feel lonely, I think the problem is because of some deficiency in my mental makeup that stops me from being my "real step" as my psychiatrist used to say; he also said that I had a "most severe emotional block to learning and to performing any real work tasks". When my partner is gone out with friends or whatever I do feel lonely, but I realise that she has to "live too." We go for a walk once weekly to a quiet place. When I feel lonely, I try not to let the notion or feeling overcome me, by trying to divert my interest on to something else or trying to do some chore to occupy my mind and divert my attention. I have suffered depression most of my life, because of serious problems in our family, during my childhood and after; but depression is like loneliness and I just try to get on with living as best I can as I believe that that is all that I can do. At the public health mental clinic the psychiatrists have told me that they can only treat patients who are suicidal because of limited resources and that I should access private counselling myself, which I have done many times, but I found this unhelpful as the private counsellors were not sufficiently qualified to understand my illness and they merely advised a coping strategy such as blind obedience to their advice rather than understanding why I was so mixed up in my mind, which in turn caused much confusing and damaging emotions such as fear, sadness, loneliness, depression etc.
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