Childhood Sexual Abuse, and Sexual Favours

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StumpyDavies

23/12/2016 at 19:34

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StumpyDavies

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Since talking with numerous professionals from counsellors to psychiatrists about my Childhood Sexual Abuse, I guess I expected some practical help, as well as talking about what happened, and how to prevent future abuse.

Today I've felt like crying most of the day, felt alone, I was asked yet another favour, so far I've avoided it, but I'm not sure how long I can avoid it, I want to get away so badly, I just want a safe place to sit, or to sleep, but it seems like it's just too much to ask.

I did go to Mind today, their last half day before Christmas, and that is one of the places that I feel safe, but now I feel trapped, with nowhere to go, no public transport.

I honestly thought my my abuse was over, but it appears not, I'm looking forward to Christmas and New Year being over, so I can feel safe.

Every noise puts me on edge, I can go out for a walk, but that is the best I can hope for to escape the noise, other than using my ear defenders.

I really hope I can at least make it through Christmas, without being forced into something I'm not comfortable with, but I guess I'm not hopeful.

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StumpyDavies

26/12/2016 at 15:07

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I feel trapped, and feeling like at least if I were to submit, maybe he'll leave me alone for a while, like I won't have to hide in the corner, use extra security measures, keep my legs crossed, and continue to feel scared.

Why can't this time just be over, I want to go out for a walk, but what if I hurt myself, or decide to do something stupid, there's nobody around who would care enough to help, it's boxing day, everyone are too busy enjoying themselves to even notice if I were to want to end it.

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Childhood Sexual Abuse, and Sexual Favours https://www.carenity.co.uk/forum/other-discussions/living-with-behavioural-disorders-mental-illne/childhood-sexual-abuse-and-sexual-favours-1507 2016-12-26 15:07:47

itgetsbetter

27/12/2016 at 00:17

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itgetsbetter

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Everyone has the right to feel safe and no one should be allowed to abuse another human being. At the moment , all the professionals can do is to listen too you; any definite action against your abuser has to be led by you. Yes, it can be a very frightening prospect but in the long run, it will lead to you having the life you deserve.

This individual needs to be stopped and made accountable for their sick actions.

He obviously has no remorse ,let alone a conscience. He is living/ thriving on your silence.

I, for one care very much about you and there are other people who care. It is ok to say out loud that you are' not coping and you are feeling frightened and all alone.'

Despite Christmas period soon being over; his abuse won't stop as it hasn't before now.

You need to find the inner strength and take control of your life instead of your abuser controlling you.

Yes, those steps will be hard but you will be supported along the way.

It is your right to feel safe, secure and loved in your life. You deserve to find that inner strength to stop him by involving your support agency/police.

Big hugs lovely lady. You are worth it so believe in yourself.

Juliexxx

StumpyDavies

Edited on 30/12/2016 at 05:35

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Last activity on 24/11/2020 at 00:04

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Thanks, I appreciate your support, and do plan to eventually after my holiday seek the extra justice needed to break free, I've always found it hard to admit I'm struggling, but it does get easier, I'm just trying to stay open enough, and I think my holiday, so long as it goes well will help me to see some more positivity and light, and remain open to the idea of breaking free

Thank you, you keep me sane enough to keep going and do what I need for myself

*hugs*

Night

Stumpy xxxxxxx

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27/12/2016 at 13:20

I have just contacted the police recently about my uncle abusing me from aged 4 , I am ready to deal with this now and my New Year goal is to have him charged for what he's done to me . I'm 47 now and still grieve the childhood I never had .

itgetsbetter

27/12/2016 at 15:08

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Hi Jaclyn, I am so pleased that you have found the strength bring this vile individual to face his wicked abuse. I firmly believe that until you face 'head on ' what your inner issues are and address them then you will never ever truly move on. You have just proved that point Jaclyn.

It isn't an easy thing to do but at the end of the day your uncle abused you and has got on with his life ,never imagining that 'your day' to shout out what he did to you will arrive. I applaud you for finding that inner strength and reaching that point in your life when you are now finally taking control .

I do hope that whatever 'anger, you may still be harboring within can be channeled in to a positive outcome for you; as until that anger has subsided you really can get on with your life. My heart goes out to you regarding the childhood that was stolen from you. Every child has the right to a happy childhood ; also we as adults deserve to feel safe whether it be in our home or as individuals.

I really hope that your uncle receives all that he is deserves.

Thank you for sharing and I wish the very best of everything in life.

Talking is the best healing tool. I strongly believe that the more we talk about our issues then the less impact those issues will eventually have.

Big hugs, wrapped with love.

Julie xxx

StumpyDavies

27/12/2016 at 22:28

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Jaclyn69 Thanks for sharing, you give me more strength and confidence, I'm not alone, and there are definitely more out there, still harbouring the secret, I hope one day I like you am able to say I've got that courage and done what I need to do, I hope you get the justice you hope and seek, and get back that element of childhood he stole from you, I sometimes love to be childish, and do childish things now, as an adult, that were stolen from me back then, never be afraid to explore that inner child, it can be painful, but can also be fulfilling and warm to feel you have the peace finally to do those things you felt you missed out on :)

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itgetsbetter

28/12/2016 at 16:15

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No matter what age we are; we are never too old to do silly, childish things. Life is for enjoying, so; love , laugh and be happy everyone.

StumpyDavies

28/12/2016 at 21:00

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Indeed, I watched the kids film Over The Hedge today, so childish but so much fun, and such a laugh

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itgetsbetter

28/12/2016 at 21:25

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Must try and watch that film. I do like a good laugh. There is nothing whats so ever wrong with having a good laugh. Sometimes when I am working [support work] with adults with learning difficulties I go with them when they want to go out. I sometimes dread it when they say that they want to go to the cinema; they do sometimes watch some good films though.

Laughing really is the best tonic around although I usually laugh at the wrong things. xx

Julie xx

StumpyDavies

Edited on 30/12/2016 at 05:36

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Haha ye me too, I love animated films, I think it's because my sick depraved childhood, I felt like I missed out on a lot of those fun animated films that really do make me laugh, I also love anything with Adam Sandler in, he makes me giggle a lot, and never beating the best, gutted he's tragically gone, Robin Williams, Mrs Doubtfire has to be one of the funniest things ever, and of course not forgetting Mara Wilson, the girl who played Matilda, and the evil way she stuck her dads hat to his head, it makes me really chuckle, so deserving

I also laugh at lots of things I shouldn't, there is a cartoon strip, Cyanide & Happiness, and a lot of their silly yet violent and sometimes slightly racist comic strips really make me laugh, so naughty, yet so funny

Another favourite is a clip found on albinoblacksheep.com & on youtube, The Evil Strawberry, such primitive animation, yet so effective in making me laugh when the crying baby gets angry and squashes the evil strawberry, I often imagine the evil strawberry is my dad, and that baby is me haha

Laughter is the best medicine, it is like people used to say about Ecstasy, the penicillin for our soul

Stumpy x

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Childhood Sexual Abuse, and Sexual Favours

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