Struggling with Depression

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Edited on 11/05/2016 at 13:52

Hi,

My name is Chelsea, and I have been debating whether to post on here or not as I normally don't share my struggles with anyone but I have reached a point where I am struggling and hurting people I love because of it.

I have been struggling with Depression and Anxiety for about 6 years after being in a violent relationship and going through family issues. I have reached breaking point numerous times and attempted to take my own life.

I have been with my Partner for 4 years and we have a really good relationship but I struggle to talk to him about my depression as I know he has not been through anything like this.

Recently I found a person I knew had been through the same thing and we started talking, this other person started to develop feelings for me which I (Being Engaged and in a stable relationship) shut them down, but then this person started to threaten to break up my relationship and also threatened to end their life and I couldn't just let them do this so I kept up the communication with this person. Several months later and communication was still going back and forth but still every now and again there will be the threat of him ending his own life and now today my partner has discovered these messages and it has broke my heart to know that I have hurt him as it has come across that I have feelings for this other person. I have tried explaining to reasons to why I stayed in contact with the other person but I know my partner will not be able to understand.

While having this friendship with this other person it has drove me into the ground, I have become some-one that I do not recognise and I am struggling to talk to anyone, I don't know anyone around me that will be able to understand what I am going through, I am struggling to keep together and to keep going. I am just really scared that I am going to fall even deeper and struggling to keep the motivation to keep going.

I just don't know how to get back to the way I was and the person I was, I feel as though I am falling deeper and deeper and I am losing grip. I have fell before and struggled to get back up and this time I am worried that I am not going to be able to get back up.

I don't really know what happens after writing something on this page but I just needed to get this off my chest before I explode

Thank you xx

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Quoth_the_Raven

06/05/2016 at 22:35

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Quoth_the_Raven

Last activity on 15/11/2024 at 15:23

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18 comments posted | 9 in the Living with anxiety and other mental illnesses group

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Hi Chelsea,

Sounds like you are better without this person in your life. I've been fighting to clear toxic people out of my life this year, but I've seen a similar situation you describe with a close friend of mine.

Her partner almost broke up with her due to someone acting in similar manner but going further with lies hinting towards more than just a friendship.

You need to cut this other person out of your life, they're using suicide threats as a way of controlling you, and it's dragging you down.

You also need to get them and their toxic influence out of your mind. Hopefully without the toxic effect they've had in your life in the way you should start to feel better.

Please feel free to message me if you want to talk further :)

See the signature

Never give up, never give in

Struggling with Depression https://www.carenity.co.uk/forum/other-discussions/living-with-behavioural-disorders-mental-illne/struggling-with-depression-994 2016-05-06 22:35:58

Unregistered member

07/05/2016 at 21:54

Hi hun,

Its really hard actually, so hard. So i would say take time before making any big choices, wait till a good day and make choices then not on a bad day when you feel bad.

I am very heart broken at the mo, dumped by my first bf (my first ever one) 5 months that day, he said it at least to my face but it hurt said he didnt love me and didnt even want a relationship. It hurt bad, I missed him. I still do but not so much. My sleep and mental health started breaking down, i recovered.

I did online dating again just to try and distract me from the pain. It worked abit but not really, i hurt so bad everything reminded me of him :/

Then by chance i chatted to a guy aged 34 so at first told him too old, but he asked can we chat as mates we did and well we ended up together for a month. Sadly he hurt me so badly, dumped by txt, same reason as my first, that hurts more. THen next day tried taking me back :/ Then a week ago messaged me (all his messages go to spam and everything else i blocked him on) He called me selfish and childish. He hurt me even more when i just said can you leave me alone, as i want to rebuild my life without you in it. He like was horrible said try rebuild after 13 years (he was taking about his wife, no i didnt know they were not broken up proper)

It hurts so bad, i dont love him now but i miss him because he was so different and lovely and one day he will be an awesome bf to someone else but never me again.

So now i have no trust in anyone and i feel so so crap and it hurts so so much

Struggling with Depression https://www.carenity.co.uk/forum/other-discussions/living-with-behavioural-disorders-mental-illne/struggling-with-depression-994 2016-05-07 21:54:45

Unregistered member

11/05/2016 at 10:42

people like that are toxic i agree with raven,

cut that person out of your life,

as they are not really friends and have only one thing in mind...

and those suicide threats are a low blow...

best of luck...

best wishes...

Struggling with Depression https://www.carenity.co.uk/forum/other-discussions/living-with-behavioural-disorders-mental-illne/struggling-with-depression-994 2016-05-11 10:42:55

itgetsbetter

11/05/2016 at 13:52

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itgetsbetter

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Hi Chelsea.

I do hope that you are feeling a little brighter. I have just read your post. Do not take the person's suicide threats to heart. If he intended to do it then he would have.

He has sucked you in to his world. If you have been feeling low then you will believe it.

Don't own his own insecurities/ behaviour. Let him sort his own life out.

I can understand why your boyfriend would be so hurt. If you can't talk to him face to face with your inner most feelings then why not write him a letter. Putting it down on paper is sometimes so much more easier ? Explain to him that you felt that he could help you.

Look after yourself, no one else.

i do hope that you can get your relationship back on track.

Love , light and happiness.

Julie .x

Struggling with Depression https://www.carenity.co.uk/forum/other-discussions/living-with-behavioural-disorders-mental-illne/struggling-with-depression-994 2016-05-11 13:52:29

Struggling with Depression

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