Suicidal thoughts, not coping, how to get treatment without carrying out my plans?

Well this morning I couldn't keep my breakfast down after taking my antibiotic, I did take a Motilium M, as soon as I felt nauseous, but it didn't kick in quick enough, so I'm just as hungry now as I was before breakfast, gonna take a walk down the coffee shop in a few hours, have something to eat down there, and hopefully manage to keep it down, then take a walk to the factory outlet sale/trade fair 

I'm looking forward to seeing the doctor at the hospital for my appointment on Tuesday, my back is so itchy, and I don't think my infection is clearing, I think I'll have round 3 of antibiotics , but hopefully ones that won't make me sick, and I think I'll have to see a doctor back home as my cyst is clearly still infected, so I don't think they'll be able to remove it here, before I go home 

I just hope I feel a bit better later, I'd love a swim in the pool, but I'm trying to stay out the sun, as my head is sunburnt, I'm trying to remember to wear my hat 

*Warm Hugs, from a warm sunny climate , wrapped gently with Love*

Stumpy. Xx 

Wahoo I managed to keep food down, but now my hormones are raging too, it's now that time of the month, feeling sick plus the raging hormones is really not good, ended up having to wash my trousers in the sink, how embarrassing , I really want Diazepam  right now to combine with my Ritalin to enhance it's effects, or I could just drink beer , to enhance the effects, wonder if the pharmacy, will sell me, some Diazepam  ? Starting to get cramps 

*Hugs, wrapped with Love*

Stumpy. Xx 

Well I had an all day breakfast tonight, and finally have something substantial in my belly, so feel lots better, I did have a beer, and stuck to just the one, had a relaxing took took ride  back to the hotel, then had a family get together before finally heading to bed  

I'm feeling the cramp more now I'm laying in bed, so might take a Tylenol  to help ease the cramps and help me sleep  

Think I might have a lay in, in the morning, until about 8:45, been up no later than 7:45 most mornings 

*Hugs wrapped with squishy Love*

Stumpy. Xx 

I kept my breakfast down today, although it was only cereals and milk, I did take a short walk down the coffee shop too, and had some food, after taking an anti sickness tablet of course, my back is itching like, even crazier now, as my period makes me sweat profusely even more than normal, my clothes constantly feel wet, it's gross.

I've drunk 3 litres of water, plus all the ice that made my chocolate frappé at the coffee shop, and 4 energy drinks, 1, M150, like Red Bull, but cheaper, and 3 Red Bull's with ice, as I lose so much liquid through sweating, and the more liquid I drink the less bothersome the period and stupid cramps become, although too much liquid makes me feel bloated, so it's a very fine balance, energy drinks make me relaxed and drowsy, but also speed up the effects of my Ritalin, meaning it in turn wears off quicker than it should, so I've been driving everyone nuts with my hyperactivity.

I was asked to go to reception, to book me and my family on the minibus into town tonight, so as the pool area is closed (because of a private function), rather than walk around the road side, to get to reception, I climbed through the trees, came out behind the wall by the reception entrance, then scaled the wall, and jumped down the other side, a bit like an assault course, some of the staff laughed as they saw me scale the wall and jump down the other side, I don't think their used to people being hyper, and were amused, others just stared as if I was crazy haha, but it was fun, and for me, way better than running round the roadside, car drivers drive crazily out here, and roads with no pavements, and hyperactivity just don't go together  x

I'm only 4ft 11, so I guess it was quite funny to see, but not as funny as my night tonight, went into town to a bar for food, enjoyed, had a took took back to my hotel, and then the fun started.

A party of Thai school teachers having a karaoke party, at our hotel, and when we gave some support when one sang, My Way, in English, I got invited to join in, to go up and sing , their a good friendly bunch, and know how to have fun  but I declined the offer to sing.

I don't know many songs in English, and I don't think they have backing suitable for welsh songs, or I'd have sung something like, Calon Lan, I love their friendliness  xxx

That is the one thing I'll miss about Thailand, is the friendly people 

*Hyper Hugs wrapped with Crazy Love*

Stumpy. Xx 

Sounds like you are having fun. I bet you were a sight to be seen scaling walls etc. lol. Hope that you have a fun day tomorrow . I hope that my day is better as I have had a vomiting bug !!  Big hugs wrapped with love . Julie xx

Hope you're vomiting bug don't last too long, I've been nauseous still, the antibiotics are not working, I've stayed in my room all day so far, am gonna have a shower and try to eat some lunch soon, hope I can manage more than I did this morning, just one tiny bowl of cereal, with milk, supposed to be going out to town to watch the Rugby tonight, not that I want to, am being forced to go, just to make up numbers, for the mini bus, so the others can watch as if there aren't enough to watch it at the Welsh bar in town, they'll prioritise the football that the locals want to watch, over the Rugby, so I don't have a say in if I go, my family say I have to, so that's the end of that, and if I don't I get called spiteful even though I don't feel well.

*Big Hugs wrapped with Love*

Stumpy. X x 

I've really had enough now, this holiday is driving me nuts, I need space, this is way too long, I feel like going down the hospital tomorrow, not because of the cyst on my back, or physical illness, but because of feeling mentally strained, maybe get some diazepam, or ask to stay at the hospital as a psychiatric patient, for a break, stop people being glued to me 

I honestly feel if I don't get a few hours peace really soon, I'm gonna go nuts, I might just disappear tomorrow down the British Consulate, see if there is anyone there who can help, maybe just give me somewhere safe and peaceful to sit for an hour or two, maybe I can disappear for a bit, just long enough for everyone to realise that I'm an adult, not a child, and that I'm as much entitled to space as anybody else 

*Hugs wrapped with Love*

Stumpy. X 

So sorry to read that you are needing 'space' where you can collect your thoughts and be alone. Are there any reasons why you are being in constant company, despite not wanting it?

What about seeking silence on the beach; with just the sounds of the sea to listen too?

I do hope that you are soon feeling totally relaxed.

Gentle hugs wrapped with love.

Julie x

My family glue themselves to my butt, like they think I'm not safe to be alone, because of my medication, and how big and different it is here, there are no beaches, I'm in Chiang Mai, in land, in the North, nothing much here in walking distance, I did take a walk today, to a local bakery supplies shop, and then to the railway station, I'm not in company by choice, but I only have 1 day left now before I fly home thank goodness 

I guess I'm craving my own space because I'm so used to having my own space back home, and just going off and doing my own thing, I do feel better for getting out for a little walk, just gotta finish packing tomorrow, then it's just the thought of the long flight   to contend with 

I'm trying to think about some of the positive aspects of my holiday, and the photos I've taken, I will upload them online, when I get time and good enough internet 

*Hugs, wrapped with Love*

Stumpy. X 

Hello,

I have just shared this thread with another member to show them some support. I hope that everyone here is doing well and keeping happy.