Suicidal thoughts, not coping, how to get treatment without carrying out my plans?
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Brilliant news regarding your volunteering. I firmly agree that the best ones to give support advice are those that have first hand experience. It is also good to know that your counsellor is going beyond his job description to be there for you. You sound like you are going from strength to strength on your journey. I also know that you realize that life still isn't going to be a walk in the park so you aren't setting yourself up to fail by believing your life will be a bed of roses. Ceri, in the short messages that we have shared I can feel a positive attitude emerging which is fantastic.
It is sad that your mum chooses to bury her head with the truth but don't own her behaviour of suffer from it . You have suffered enough. When my now ex was diagnosed as being "delusional + psychotic" she actually said "Well, I don't know where he's got that from". She, to this day refuses to believe he is ill. As the saying goes "Ignorance is bliss"
She would actually laugh when I would tell her of the things that he would be saying; which is sad really. His bubble will burst as he isn't accepting of his illness and it is getting worse but I now refuse to feel sorry for him as we all supported him but he chose a life of lies/deceit instead of the loving family he once had.
I hope that you have a brilliant time at your various celebrations today .
You are obviously around a supportive network of friends which is the right sort of people you need to be with.
Keep chatting, 
Julie 
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It's happening again, I'm hitting that point where the nasty thoughts of killing myself are taking over, perhaps I could drown myself, if I do manage to go on holiday, things just seem to have taken a rather downward spiral 
The home boarding for my dog just today let me know they have a cat, my dog hates cats, so the only option left to me is regular kennels, and I said I'd never put him in kennels, as that is where he started his life, in kennels, a dog pound dog, picked up by the dog warden, and the nearest kennels are where I first had him from, he'll think he's being abandoned
I really hate the idea, but don't want to lose all the money I've spent on this holiday, I just really wish I had the guts when I purchased the Nembutal on the previous occasion that I hadn't let pride get in the way, instead of asking my dealer for my sharps, I should have just accessed needle exchange and it'd all be over already 
I wouldn't have to face any of this stuff, not going on a holiday that I never wanted to go on in the first place, but then started to look forward to, to spend time with my Auntie Val, the only family member who really does love and care for me 
The thought of putting my dog in kennels, and later having to leave him behind with my parents when I report my dad and move 
The thought of not getting the help I need, right now I feel like I should be in psych ward 
I'm gonna go down Swansea tomorrow, and hope to see Jon, hopefully he can make me feel better about all these thoughts, as right now, I'm hurting too much that for me to contemplate out is really not good
I can't sleep, my eyes are sore, so I have to try, I've got a few hours until I have to be up, to get ready to get out, I wanna go to Swansea early on the 8:40 bus, be in Swansea about 10am xxx
Stumpy. X
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StumpyDavies
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StumpyDavies
Last activity on 24/11/2020 at 00:04
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I'm feeling really suicidal, the psychiatrist cancelled my appointment, and I don't see my counsellor or support worker until next week, I have made a plan to take my own life, something I've never really done before, but before I resort to carrying out that plan, I'm trying to find ways to get the treatment I need. One last attempt to try to be rational, I've thought of trying to see the Police PCSO's to get across just how bad I feel, in the hope that they can help me get some emergency treatment, or I've also thought of going to the drug and alcohol project, to the walk-in service, and speaking with them to ask for their assistance, as they have their own psych team, but their so overstretched, that seeing them is impossible, but if I tell them of my intentions, perhaps they may make an exception, I can't think of any other way I can access emergency treatment, going to A&E is not an option, as it's too far to travel, I'd likely carry out my plan before I get there, and A&E have this nasty way of deliberately treating me so badly they make me feel worse, and make mistakes like giving me things I can harm myself with, so I have no trust for A&E.
Are there any other ways to access emergency treatment, knowing you need treatment to continue to keep yourself safe?