Epilepsy and intimacy: What works for you and your partner?

@Rhinoriggs , I too have struggled with intimacy leading to sex. I can cuddle and be intimate in a non sexual way but past 5 years my libido has diminished and I have struggled to have intercourse at all. The epilepsy medicine I take (Epilim and Clobazam) are mentioned in the leaflet as affecting libido. I have been prescribed Sildenafil 5 years as a normal treatment along my epilepsy meds but I don't have the confidence anymore to initiate intercourse. When I try my wife is tired so it puts me off. I have told her about it and she has no problems me trying the tablets but it is no use as planning to take a tablet with the intention of having intercourse after foreplay no longer comes easily as when I was in my 20s and early 30s. I'm 44 now and feel I could be celibate forever.

@Sunshine5

There is no right or wrong when it comes to intimacy. Some people feel shattered some days and better on others.

Have you thought about a relaxing retreat so you are both calmer in a quiet atmosphere? Low lighting, candles and a gentle massage? It can work wonders for overstimulated situations and help to reconnect you both.

Im also in my 40's but my drive hasnt diminished - in fact i do require more 'sexy time' even if it doesnt involve intercourse.

@Rhinoriggs

I struggle to have the intercourse as my libido high but it's not resipicated so I cant have sex.

I found to make it more calmer and gently done as it's fun is toys for both that way any thought of stress is changed over how to use and how to please.

I just have to watch my partner enjoy it as tablets make it slow for me unless I can be like a super human, so all I need is someone close by and able to go at 80 to the dozen and a couple times or so don't suppose you know of anyone lol

@Sunshine5 perhaps you need to plan ahead and do a date night every so often?

If your partner is in pain, nice bath, gentle massage may help her? Light some candles and relax?

Work pressures will always be there. Its unfortunately part of how the world works. She should however feel supported in her job role xx

@Rhinoriggs thanks for your thoughts. Although her new employer is more supportive than her last, it will take her a while for her to overcome the sense that "her mind is running at 500mph and she has to do this and that". Her last employer became very micromanaging since COVID, and everyone's personal phones was connected to the work ones so even at home she got notifications.

My mother in law is the same and I keep reminding her(my wife )to stay in the present. The rest is up to her to work on herself, in the same way I have to work on my fitness and wellbeing. Too much anxiety on my part causes a seizure, hence I try not to worry too much.

I did say to her we should go on a Spa Retreat someday and she thinks it's expensive. It's worth it once in a while though.

I feel rather powerless since I can't drive. She enjoys being in nature but hates the cold, something you can't do anything about over here. She is from Africa and so were my parents too(although we are Indian origin), they came to the UK and tolerate the weather to an extent.

I was born and bred in the UK, so can tolerate the weather here.

I feel the cold but I have noticed since she wants our home warm all the time, I have become more acclimatised with being in a warm house rather than be exposed to the cold.

I need to work on myself and detract my mind from other issues. Perhaps in the long run it will help me with things like performance anxiety as I really need to find a solution of 5 years of no sex by way of stress at home and a gradual decline in my body being able to transport blood in my manhood.

@Sunshine5 the being 500mph is normal for some people. Im 50000mph with ADHD so i know how you feel there!

Can you book somewhere private and cosy just for the both of you as a surprise? So there wont be too much planning involved? Air b&b in the country side with a spa outside, champagne and strawberries and hopefully little mobile signal! I do this myself for a break away from the world.

X

@Rhinoriggs I was hoping to save up this coming months after paying off my credit card for our holiday last December (managed to pay K4 in 3 maths without interest). Now after endless estimated bills, despite having a new metre reader, my energy bill has shot up by £140.00 a month. I'm with Utility Warehouse, so adding mobile and Broadband Internet I'm paying £300.00 in total as of next month. So I will have to see. I don't feel I am in a position to suggest as I don't drive , and I don't want her to go out of her way either. Rather just pass by life until one of us goes to our grave.