Has cancer had an impact on your relationships?

I am just going to tag some members so you are aware of this discussion :)

@Jellag‍ @Micmic‍ @MyCancerLife‍ @robjmckinney‍ @maddoglady‍ @Shirley61‍ @GENK00‍ @EdenLdn‍ @AlexandriaH‍ @Missyj‍ @Jeanwhite‍ @fitzdoc‍ @bile777d‍ @Sonicsangels‍ @Stumpit‍ @Gerryfire‍ @LynneR‍ @lillyholl‍ @Cfarmer‍ @tropic‍ @Ashers‍ @PaulaDay‍ @littlejohn‍ 

 

 

When I was diagnosed in 2017 naturally it was a shock for myself and all my family and friends. The one person I thought I could rely on was my husband but he wasn’t there for me. I resented it for a while but then realized he didn’t know how to support me emotionally. The way I wanted. He didn’t know how to talk about it. It was painful for him maybe To deal with what was happening to me. So I turned to my friends and family for support. Sometimes the people you think you can rely on at times like this are the ones who can’t be there for you  but understand for them too. Don’t spend time being angry at them. Just turn to the ones who will support you and get you through x

A change from being a rock/anchor for the family to be relied on, to the sick person was the big change. Becoming useless as the treatment progressed, not driving etc. had a great effect on my family and me. I had my wife's father in his last few months of life and not being able to visit often was distressing for the family. My brother had cancer at the same time and he died was also a concern. While my wife tried to help you are alone with facing this illness and something she could not share. But I did not fear death and accepted whatever fate had decided, I lived, my brother died. I have spent the last few years prior to my cancer dealing with family deaths and arranging care. Same goes after treatment so a little hardened to death and the misery leading up to that event. My wife had three heart attacks, COPD, auto-immune diseases, etc. far more illnesses than me. At times being asked if I wanted to switch off her life support, thankfully I did not agree with the Doctors.  I have had little time to feel sorry for myself but shake off my treatment and deal with others, perhaps that has been my solution. Also depressing is the after effects of cancer treatment that can devastate your life, a reminder what you have been through but life goes on!

Having always been the strong one and go to person, it didn't occur to me to share my diagnosis with anyone other than my husband. He has been supportive in his own way.I didn't want anyone to know because I didn't want people treating me differently, it's also not an experience of which I'm particularly proud so why should I share it!

My cancer could come at worse time, my husband died 7 months before, after a long illness,  I was emotionally drained.

My daughter's children were taking important exams, and she was still grieving for her beloved father.

I had the operation on the anniversary of his death.

I wish I had waited, there was no after care, and I wasn't ready to go through anymore emotional stress.

I have been ill ever since, with viral infections, and continually tired and still haven't regained my appetite .

But I have survived  I have just got on with life, my son moaned  at me the other day saying you're always ill, how I wasn't, I have much catching up, after looking  after my husband for years and so many places I want to visit and making  new friends in my new town I have moved to.

I hope 2019 will be a new beginning

I would completely agree with "maddoglady" in that only my wife and one close friend knows about my diagnosis. I really would not want a lot of people asking me how I am every time I see individuals as it would, I think, become rather tiresome. To my benefit my wife is a much better nurse than me - although at this time no nursing is required. She does however ask all the right questions at medical appointments. I'm not being sexist, rather complimentary, in that I think that's a 'woman thing'. We've survived the pressures derived from varing for a son with a severe learning and autism for 41years so we are solid. Onwards and upwards.

I didn't tell many people about my diagnosis apart from immediate family and two close friends. Although my family and one friend were very supportive I felt very alone in progressing in my treatment journey and did not want people to respond to me differently because I was ill. Unfortunately, my second friend who I was very close to became very distant and I realised over time that she was avoiding me, no telephone calls or meet ups for lunch or even a Christmas card or birthday card. She did send her daughter with a bunch of flowers in the early stage of my treatment but otherwise nothing. I have not had any contact from this friend again and she has not responded to my telephone messages or a letter I sent her asking if there was a problem. Initially, I felt very confused as I am not a needy person and made light of my cancer but as time went on I became very angry and continued to be confused at her actions and lack of response in talking to me especially as I had supported her through difficult times in the past. Now I just think think how lucky I am not to have this person as a friend as she is the one who has a problem, I was too busy dealing with cancer to have to deal with her as well and I was lucky to have the support of my family who were all great in giving support in their own way.

I had been a full-time carer for my husband for around 2 years when I was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer. This led to practical difficulties such as organising care for him whilst I was having chemo and also my operation. I was in hospital after the operation for around one month after which time I came home and we had carers visiting the house for both of us.  My recovery rate was very slow. My weight when I left hospital was 6st.6lbs and it took me two years to regain my normal weight (had to eat all the naughty things to encourage weight gain)  After around 18 months my husband sadly died a week before Christmas which set me back more than a little (we had been married for 54 years)  I knew he was very ill(with COPD) and was not going to get better but it was still a shock.  There had to be an inquest and the verdict that the cause of death was Asbestosis.  We tried to claim for industrial injury but the solicitor's view was that, as he [my husband] had had several jobs{most of the companies had closed down making staff redundant} it would be too difficult to prove who was responsible.  I visited the cancer consultant one time (the five year check-up) and he said that there no signs of a re-occurrence and that I was going to be discharged.  From that time on my mental health began to suffer even more - I believe that I had been fighting up until the time of my discharge and then I stopped fighting.  My mental health got rapidly worse and I eventually agreed to go into hospital on a voluntary basis.  After spending six weeks in hospital I was discharged pending visits at home.  Again my recovery process was very slow.  I hadn't touched the computer for two years and had forgotten all my passwords.  It was a struggle to get competent with the computer again and I was no longer able to drive which, while I was feeling so lost didn't matter, now matters a great deal but realistically at nearly 80 I'm better not behind the wheel.  Friends who I had since my school days did treat me differently in all that time and even now the relationships are not back to what they were.  Still, mustn't complain, I'm alive and am managing all my own affairs again and the world is still turning.

 

I am suffering from lymphoma, it is almost 3 months now since I found out about this. It's a kind of cancer that begins in infection-fighting cells of the immune system. I don't know how will I be cured but this friend of mine told me to try the CBD, at first I did not believe because my doctor doesn't allow me to take some cannabis as a medicine and this is a fake medicinal treatment.  So I take this for months and it really helps me a lot. I know that others won't believe me but trust me it really does.

I was diagnosed with Lung cancer in Feb 2017. I only told the people that I had to family, close friends and colleagues  I had my treatment and was then clear until Dec 2018 when I was told I've got secondry lung cancer. This time around I have told everyone at work because I don't want people asking other colleagues questions and looking at me funny. I'm glad I told them all because I have needed more help at times and it's easier to not have to explain the reason every time I need help. I think I'm very lucky work are being really good I'm on a phased return colleagues have been brilliant and I have a fantastic family and friends. If anyone has surprised me it's my husband  I always thought I was the strong one but he has been amazing. Although at times I feel such loneliness and despair I try to be as positive as possible and the amazing people around me keep me going although they tell me its me who keeps them positive. They found my cancer had a mutant gene and I was told I am ALK positive does anybody else have this. I am on a target therapy and although I have had some pretty awful side effects I think I'm settling down now (hopefully). I am trying to live my life with cancer, I will not be defined by it or let it take over my life. I am taking 1 day at a time enjoying the good days and rolling with the bad.. ❤️