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I feel like I have to put on a smile for everything. Like when I have to convince yourself to feel happy things so hard that I actually feel like I'm happy when deep inside I'm not. I feel like I'm perceived as being anti-social even though I have so much to offer.. I feel like I've accomplished nothing, when I have, and nothing interests me. Nothing has for a long time, even my one passion is seeming more like a chore as is everything else.. Things such as sleeping, eating, socializing just seem more and more like a constant effort. What doesn't help is that these feelings contrast with the mask I put on, making me feel confused and empty.. The thought of suicide always manages to find its way back into my head along with all my day to day worries too.. Is there anyway to enjoy things again?
You got to keep fighting . I no even getting up and brushing your teeth is like climbing a mountain . Take step by step . The more you dwell on the things you cant do will make you more and more depressed . Its your illness its not you . Take time to get better in yourself. Wearing a mask is exhausting physically a mentally .
Thank you for the advice Jemzy, I appreciate it. I'll try my best to make time for myself, and not dwell on the fact I wear a mask, it really does conjure a lot of stress just constantly acknowledging it. Normally I do try and occupy myself to no avail but I'll just let my emotions flow instead and de-stress a bit. Then I'll subtly hack away at the mask again, no matter how hard it is and how depressing I come off to the people around me.. How're you anyway? I hope your well being exceeds your good advice:)
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I find going upstairs and lying on my bed and watching something helps or Sometimes i sit on the toilet for ages lol as i have a busy house . People say have a nice bath that will help when actually having a bath is such a chore . Im ok got a lot of stress and im trying to break my binge eat get depressed binge more depressed more cycle which is very hard . I have always had more lows than highs with my bipolar but this past month have been better been put on more pills . But things keep happening that give me stress so makes me low .
Yeah sadly i put on a false smile everyday and people just think i am ok. Only true friends know how much i am hurting and they try and help, but its worse at night for me. No one can be there then :/
Its ok to be sad and cry though or be angry etc
Just ride it out, try and remeber you wont feel this way forever :)
Look after yourself
i know what it's like i put on a false smile everyday to protect my kids and not allow my neighbours child who told me i am her adopted aunty and more like a second mum to her see what's hiding deep down inside and to be honest nobody really knows how i am feeling i have only one true friend who is in fact more like family so i call him my little brother.. but yet everyday is a struggle but i keep fronting the fake smile in front of others but when my kids are in bed and it comes to the evening time sometimes i do feel it very bad and i wind up getting upset...
but i know this won't last forever...
and taking it one day at a time...
keep your head up and never give up...
look after yourself...
Thanks you too , keep talking about stuff though :)
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