Supporting others with suicidal thoughts

I personally had suicidal thoughts which became the turning point for me in realizing that 'I wasn't getting better, nor was I coping' despite telling others that I was and I didn't need to go to the GP. Not asking for help was my biggest mistake.

My partner who has a terminal illness is struggling at the moment  [more than usual] on being informed that the drugs that he is taking are no longer suppressing his illness. He can only take certain other medication etc due to the chemo medication. he is going through a lot of other personal issues as his ex has poisoned his children despite it being her who decided to break their marriage vows and despite their dad being terminally ill [ they aren't small children]

He abuses alcohol and already I have found more empty/1/4 full bottles hidden. I do struggle to understand why anyone chooses the alcohol route for the 'quick fix' instead of breaking their issues down in to small steps, from my own opinion/experience.

That stated, I am doing all that I can to support him in all ways. I personally can cope with the depression , it is the lies/deceit that I detest.

He doesn't see that he is killing himself voluntarily with drink/smoking.

From my own personal experience ;talking and listening is the only real positive thing that you as an outsider/friend/family can do. My partner knows that he can tell me when he is struggling, something that he perceives as a 'failure as real men are big and strong and get on with it' and so he tries to 'go it alone' but is remorseful following it.

Getting to the route of your friends 'issues/concerns' is key to recovery. A lot of deep soul searching and then addressing those issues is vital in aiding recovery. Sometimes you can see no way out but there is always a way ; accepting help is a must. As the saying goes;

A problem shared is a problem halved. 

It is hard when you have suffered yourself to have patience and frustration does creep in when you know that there is light at the end of the tunnel ; life is for living.

My partner has already put himself in a coffin when he hasn't yet discussed the next course of action with the Consultant.

In this life , you have to fight , dig your way out of the very dark hole which is so hard at times.

The hardest part is;

Talking.

'helping yourself' and staying focused instead of giving up at the first few hurdles.

Being gentle on yourself , instead of being over critical

Taking time out ,doing things for yourself, no matter how small

Eating a sensible diet

Getting out and about; walking is amazing once you can motivate yourself

Establishing a routine and sticking to it 

Relaxation

Concentrating on your breathing thus giving yourself something to focus on.

A 2 steps forward, 3 steps back approach is needed.

Little by little, day by day.

If your friend is not feeling any better then he needs to return to the GP.

Hope that he is soon feeling positive/brighter.

xx

Thank you hun

Sorry sorry to hear your partners struggling so much.

I keep telling him he can open up to me but he keeps saying he's not going too because he is protecting me.

It's very frustrating but I am trying to be patient. Just feeling alone and lonely at the moment.  

Hugs xx

Hi Haze; You need to tell your friend that he isn't protecting you by remaining silent as he is putting more pressure on you on the worry scale. It is so hard and frustrating to remain patient .However, the positive? is that you have suffered yourself and so that can be beneficial to him knowing that you have your own personal experience/struggles.

He needs to realize that 'if' he truly wants to get to that better,brighter place then talking is the only way forward. It is hard not wanting to upset ,cause worry to others by opening up but he will discover that is isn't as hard as he is probably imagining. The more he opens up the less impact his issues will have on him personally. Yes, it may be a hard place to visit for him delving in to his problems but they need to be addressed before he can reach that place.

I really hope that he will realize that you are not going to judge him , laugh or repeat at what he has to say. Instead you will just listen ,reassuring him along the way.

Good luck . I hope he realizes what a great friend you are to him.xx

Sorry I have only just seen this, thank you :) xx