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How do I fix my life?
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Yank34
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Yank34
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Last activity on 08/10/2024 at 23:33
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Hi @sadone just seen this discussion & felt the need to ‘jump into’ too. I think your other 3 ‘correspondents’ all had invaluable suggestions re: how to move on. I personally feel whenever situations like yours are experienced, the person (i.e. you) does naturally feel so alone but truly believe the vast majority of us have been ‘where you are’ at the moment.
I was widowed just over 4 years ago, have a multitude of health conditions & now 72. I have lived on my own since my husband passed & NO, I don’t think it’s ever easy but life does carry - probably never the easiest task we all have to do. This certainly does take time and the time this takes, I’ve found, can vary between each of us - I’m sincerely hoping you will feel/begin to know when the time is right for you to do this.
I’ve, personally, have always struggled with ‘accepting’ what life continues to throw at myself but perhaps because of needing to get on, eventually, have increasingly found I had 2 choices in these situations. 1- I could stay in the dark, unhappy place where I was or 2- CHANGE this by thinking/actively doing things differently. Instead of staying in my house alone / avoiding going out un til I had no choice, I made myself go out, initially to do some necessary shopping and then including thinking/planning, even if just looking (& not actually buying) anything that could possibly/hopefully help me to smile, be happier again.
Time really has been a great healer for me. I had been bereaved & felt bereft a number of times in the past. The 1 person always being ‘left behind/alone’ being myself, so consequently, slowly came to the conclusion, I needed to rely on myself, learn to ‘find the person’ I’d been’ before being on my own. I began by re-connecting/interacting more with the people that had been part of my life ‘before’. This somehow expanded to going to different places, meeting new people - sometimes they became part of my current life, sometimes not. All of these connections simply involved social interactions only. I’ve always strongly believed & had experienced that my ‘romantic relationships’ evolved without any pre-planning whatsoever - if/when things are ‘meant to be’ they naturally happen. At the moment @sadone, perhaps simply focus on yourself - hopefully find out ‘who YOU actually are’? Life has a way, if/when I’ve simply kept myself open to whatever comes my way. Wishing you all the very best in the future.
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Ann
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Polina.K
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Polina.K
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Last activity on 11/08/2023 at 12:02
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Hey @sadone!
How are you feeling today?
I am so sorry to hear about your breakup and depression. Do you have someone to talk to about this? Having a family member, friend or therapist can be very helpful. I could also suggest picking up a new hobby or listening to uplifting music. I will tag some members who might want to share their thoughts on this topic. I wish you the best of luck!
@robjmckinney @Arn_UK @whitecross1955 @mr chipps @HarryChubb @Yank34 @Yank34 @Tigger.co.uk @EllieMay1959 @bigbear @Elaineanne @JHubby @KleboldKlan @nazza91 @Brian. @Contessa @Fiona2960 @wardf4 @CLOFLO @Jardin @Jake94 @Angie30 @Siobhanloui93 @Michael4 @Chan989
Hello everyone! How are you doing today?
Have you ever had a bad breakup? How did it affect other areas of your live? What helped you turn the page?
Share your stories and tips!
Take care,
Polina from the Carenity team
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mr chipps
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mr chipps
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Last activity on 09/10/2024 at 17:13
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how are you feeling emotionally at the break up ? i had a break up many years ago because the person that i was meant to be in the relationship was cheating on me, she was claiming that they were only friends , but it turned out to be completely different
please can you give me an idea what caused the break up and how long it took to happen? I am married to my angel in heaven ,so we can only rejoin each other in heaven when my life on earth ends and the angels take me to the pearly gates. i realise that you mind must be full of questions to which it may seem there are no answers?
please can you say what you are doing to help you cope with all the turmoil and are you able to get some rest. as Polina has suggested there many different ways or things including people that you could enlist to help you cope and move on in your own time
if you wish to talk to me privately i would happy to support you in the hope that you can move on in your life regards Mrchipps
i personally have decided that because of how my life has progressed , especially regarding my health, i am only seeking friendship and ,whatever the angels bring me ?
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robjmckinney
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robjmckinney
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Last activity on 09/10/2024 at 09:43
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582 comments posted | 19 in the Depression Forum
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Very rarely there is a quick fix, perhaps some happy pills from your GP may help. But you do have several options to reboot your social life. You can opt for a more social contact through a new job where direct contact with people, of course the usual online options. Reboot your social life through various groups that exist in many forms which was my option on my breakup. But getting out and meeting people is the best way, not to start a relationship, just get you out socially which will heal.
Took me two years before I started getting myself around and building a social life. My job as a service engineer took me into homes meeting people eventually meeting my second wife. The simple jobs that get you around meeting people like behind the bar or any job meeting people. I took up taxi driving, bar work all sorts of things which bought contact. Jobs are easy to come by today and even season work at the seaside has benefits.
Not knowing your exact circumstances it is diffircult to advise in detail but meeting up with dreaded society outside your door would work for most people. 45% of all long term relationships are found in the workplace, so worth a try with a new job!
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robjmckinney
Yank34
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Yank34
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Hi @sadone just seen this discussion & felt the need to ‘jump into’ too. I think your other 3 ‘correspondents’ all had invaluable suggestions re: how to move on. I personally feel whenever situations like yours are experienced, the person (i.e. you) does naturally feel so alone but truly believe the vast majority of us have been ‘where you are’ at the moment.
I was widowed just over 4 years ago, have a multitude of health conditions & now 72. I have lived on my own since my husband passed & NO, I don’t think it’s ever easy but life does carry - probably never the easiest task we all have to do. This certainly does take time and the time this takes, I’ve found, can vary between each of us - I’m sincerely hoping you will feel/begin to know when the time is right for you to do this.
I’ve, personally, have always struggled with ‘accepting’ what life continues to throw at myself but perhaps because of needing to get on, eventually, have increasingly found I had 2 choices in these situations. 1- I could stay in the dark, unhappy place where I was or 2- CHANGE this by thinking/actively doing things differently. Instead of staying in my house alone / avoiding going out un til I had no choice, I made myself go out, initially to do some necessary shopping and then including thinking/planning, even if just looking (& not actually buying) anything that could possibly/hopefully help me to smile, be happier again.
Time really has been a great healer for me. I had been bereaved & felt bereft a number of times in the past. The 1 person always being ‘left behind/alone’ being myself, so consequently, slowly came to the conclusion, I needed to rely on myself, learn to ‘find the person’ I’d been’ before being on my own. I began by re-connecting/interacting more with the people that had been part of my life ‘before’. This somehow expanded to going to different places, meeting new people - sometimes they became part of my current life, sometimes not. All of these connections simply involved social interactions only. I’ve always strongly believed & had experienced that my ‘romantic relationships’ evolved without any pre-planning whatsoever - if/when things are ‘meant to be’ they naturally happen. At the moment @sadone, perhaps simply focus on yourself - hopefully find out ‘who YOU actually are’? Life has a way, if/when I’ve simply kept myself open to whatever comes my way. Wishing you all the very best in the future.
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Ann
sadone
sadone
Last activity on 08/06/2023 at 11:32
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Thank you all so much for your support! It really means a lot to me to hear your advice.
We had been together for 10 years, and I did something a long time ago (slept with someone while we were temporarily not together, you could say it is reminiscent of Friends, we were on a break). I never said anything, and it recently came out and it was taken as a form of betrayal. I feel so guilty and I don't know how to live with this person not in my life. I keep thinking it is possible I could meet someone else, but what happens if I never meet anyone that I share the same connection ever again? Because of this guilt it is making me reevaluate all my life choices, and I really feel like I need to turn a new leaf to "repent" for my mistake. But your comments give me hope that it is possible to. maybe meet someone later? I feel like I will feel like this forever
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robjmckinney
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robjmckinney
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@sadone From my experience, my wife had an affair that continued, eventually leading to divorce. After a short time she stopped access to my two children and was never allowed to see them again, so was a little broken up. Quick into a relationship which failed as I was emotionally damaged, spent a year or two on the shelf, a couple more failed relationships. Experimented with further education and various self employment throughout. Then through work met my present wife where we found a strong relationship and had a child.
Nothing is overnight, meeting people is important there is a lot of single people out there looking for loving partners. Get over your emotional bagage, time heals, then slowly spread you social net, there will be bumps in the road but that is life. Don't rush, my world ended and I considered suicide at the time but I dusted off, got myself straight and found love again, my world did not end. Buy yourself a dog, take it for a walk regularly, there is a great community where you can chat and begin your new social life, for example. Being inventive on how you socialise will help, you just need experiment on what works for you!
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robjmckinney
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Elaineanne
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Elaineanne
Last activity on 17/07/2024 at 13:36
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I belong to a craft group and it is great just to sit and chat, there are many different groups out there some small some large, also a community garden is a great place if you have nearby .
Whatever you don't sit at home a mope about as this will not help. I have worked out what works for me over many years.
You could also be a volunteer again there are many great opportunities for you to try.
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Elaine Browne
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jenlei14
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mr chipps
AmbassadorLizzie when we loss loved ones some people are expecting to grieve in the same way with each bereavement, and are even more upset because they dont. this can be for many reasons, for example it could be the age of the loved one, how close you were to a certain person, how well they physically or emotionally knew a loved one. or lastly some of us may never have met a loved one for many reasons. or if physical events had taken place ,and a loved one could not be viewed by family and friends
this happened me was because, my son and i parted with bad blood between us, and when his baby daughter was born , and died age 50 minutes i was banned from attending her service or internment, her name was Rebecca Jade, but i called her Becky, and i bought her a small headstone and i go to her grave at least once a month with fresh flowers. i will always love my grandaughter, but possibly not as much as my Angel wife or son, who took his own life.?
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jenlei14
I take each day as it comes, try to have a focus for that day. Today is pretty good, but it gives me a nudge every now and again. H
See the best comment
mr chipps
AmbassadorLizzie when we loss loved ones some people are expecting to grieve in the same way with each bereavement, and are even more upset because they dont. this can be for many reasons, for example it could be the age of the loved one, how close you were to a certain person, how well they physically or emotionally knew a loved one. or lastly some of us may never have met a loved one for many reasons. or if physical events had taken place ,and a loved one could not be viewed by family and friends
this happened me was because, my son and i parted with bad blood between us, and when his baby daughter was born , and died age 50 minutes i was banned from attending her service or internment, her name was Rebecca Jade, but i called her Becky, and i bought her a small headstone and i go to her grave at least once a month with fresh flowers. i will always love my grandaughter, but possibly not as much as my Angel wife or son, who took his own life.?
See the best comment
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sadone
sadone
Last activity on 08/06/2023 at 11:32
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I just went through a really bad breakup and am realizing now how much my life doesn't mean with out my person next to me. I used to love my life, but now I see all the holes, bad decisions, emptiness in all the choices I've made. I don't like my job, or where I am in my career. I feel aimless. I feel removed from my life, like I'm watching it in a movie,
How do you get out of this depression? How do you live your life? Where do you start?