Living with depression whilst getting older

I know the feeling. My meds don’t work and my GP sent that he wasn’t going to change them due to my other conditions. I’ve been told by friends that the only thing we can do is keep talking. Here if you need a friend.

@RolandKi 

i have lived with depression like yourself. Getting older really is scary too. I so feel like you. Please take care. Stay safe in these times. 
hope this site helps. X

I have found that as I get older the darkness overtakes me more. Especially now with having to social distance and being alone in a new country unable to hug my children or grandchildren. I feel extremely isolated even though I do work as a carer when my fibromyalgia permits me. I still don't feel strong enough to fight these demons and have to deliberately distract myself from the welcome thought of never waking up.  It helps to know others are battling sometimes it's just so hard to interact with anyone and, ironically that's when I need to the most. Hugs to all of you out there, let's try to see the stars in the darkness. 

Hi Roxanne

Sorry to hear of your problems, you are not alone. I have suffered more as I get older and it does not get any easier. I make my way day to day some days better than others. Today is  bad day, we he is a family zoom call last night and I struggled to make a contribution, today I beat myself up for it!!  Hope I get through the day.

Brian

Hello Brian, thank you for your kind words.  I understand about not being able to contribute.  I miss my family so much and then when I talk to them I get so tired and depressed I just want the talk to end - I find it so difficult to engage with others at the moment and I have guilt all the time as I feel like I am failing as a mother and daughter.  I think sometimes we are our worst enemies with overthinking and over feeling everything.  I told my therapist that sometimes I just wish I was a robot - no feelings just exist.  Anyway, I hope you are feeling better today.  If you need to chat just drop me a line.  Take care of yourself

I've lived with depression all my life because of all the trauma in my young days seeing things that nobody would want to see as a child when my dad spent in a mental hospital when visiting him ,and being bullied because of it ,and the trauma I went through in all 3 of my marriages, and being raped by my first boyfriend, and my first husband being in such a violent marriage, having my life threatened when I was pregnant ,all through my life it has been hell ,but having so many illnesses and having breast cancer and not being able to eat the foods that I used to enjoy because of being diagnosed with coeliac disease, and because of all the violence it has left me with PTSD low moods depression and anxiety, but being old and not feeling like a woman because of losing a breast because of breast cancer ,having emphysema copd and then having to isolate because of covid it has been hard I have so many life threatening illnesses its scary and with this pandemic I still find it very hard to cope I cant sleep because of the illnesses and of having a really bad fall ,now nursing my fractured humorous, and being deaf because if I get an ear infection I have to remove my aids then I cant hear nothing it's very hard and that makes my mental health worse but as seen on the TV I might look find on the outside but with all the illnesses and the scars that I carry sometimes it's hard to smile but I have to to make levels happy but sometimes I just feel like screening and shouting at God saying why me what have I done to deserve all this I do everything for everyone to make there life happy but I dont feel happy myself ,it would be nice for someone to see my pain ,seeing my dad by having to identify his body ,having a child because of rape ,and then having 2 babys in a violent marriage,,having to nurse my mother through lung cancer as well as keeping a house going to work ,seeing my mother dying and not being able to stop it from happening but getting up at 4am getting my familys breakfast, getting a taxi to my mothers getting her washed and dressed giving her breakfast ,then getting another taxi to go to work finish work at 12 am go to my mums give her ,her dinner ,get another taxi to go back to work ,finish at five ,get a taxi go to my house give them there dinner ,then get taxi again go back to mums give her ,her tea ,have something with her ,then get her ready for bed kiss her goodnight then go home wash up and I did this every day for 6 mnths that's why now my mental health is worse but now I have a wonderfu husband who is my carer but I can't be the wife to him that I want to be because of all this I have gone and going through now it's like waiting for something else to happen as nothing ever good happens to me it's like being a jinx ,I have a beautiful home 3 wonderful children, 11 beautiful grandchildren and 1 great grandson, now waiting for another r great grandson, we have a beautiful car ,but now my husband is having a big OP on his eye and I'm scared that he might lose his eye sight and that will be something else to worry about because there is always something that will spoil our happiness and getting old is very frightening because you dont know what's round the next bend and how you will cope because happiness never stays with me something will go wrong it always does Tigger , 

I understand your pain my dad spent 28 Yrs, in a mental hospital I was 3 months old when my daddy went in and I was 26 yYrs old when I had to go and identify his body he was in there because of being in the war ,my dad fell out of his hospital window in Fulbourn, hospital Cambridge,he thought he was a bird and that he could fly ,I was 4 Yrs old when I used to visit him with my mum from that age till his death I saw him in very dark places and things he would do or say but he would never talk about the war I lost him September 16 th 1980 ,and I saw things that not many people of today saw and seeing and having lots of trauma in my life I now suffer with PTSD low moods depression and anxiety and have been suffering since I was a child I take medication for it but seeing everything my poor dad went through was very upsetting

RolandKi ~ You are not alone. I am taken to look many years younger than 72 but I don't have family and was illegally adopted from Kensington to Ireland at 5 months old. I have a mother but she is not interested. Anyway too old now and siblings are non existent.

I think it is loneliness, I have lost 2 friends to Dementia [one is dead my longest friend]. I have lost 2 others to rampant Alcoholism. I now find it hard to go out and join things and my walking is not too bad but having had 2 major falls with broken limbs and bad balance it is hard to be positive and get out to say, a dance class or to 'meet people ' as the Specialist keeps saying. What do you do with your day ? I got irritated the other day and said, I get through it some days and others I don't. I am an open person and nobody would guess I suffer so deeply with the Black Dog either. I have insomnia and am now addicted to SSRIS , sleeping tablets and sedatives as have been depressed since a teenager. So you are not alone.

Hi RolandKI I have suffered all my ife with Ptsd low moods depression and anxiety, because of all the trauma that I have gone through in my life I'm 69 now and I still suffer with it all but I go out with my husband on my scooter down to the beach or sometimes I sit for a while and colour pictures but I can't do a lot because of all my other illnesses, but I do love watching my TV, and playing games or doing a crossword puzzles, how do you busy yourself recently I have been going out more on my scooter I really enjoy that my husband always takes me as I don't like going out on my own but since the lovely weather I have been out more, if my husband doesn't take me then I some times go out with my friend and sometimes my family you take care best wishes Tigger

It’s harder when getting older. Well I think so. I feel alone, lonely and so need a comforting hug.