New and a mess
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Hi there, I'm finding this site a little difficult but that's not te site it's me I think
I'm after some advice. i think, not sure really I don't know what I need but I must need something or I wouldn't have searched depression forums would I :)
This could be a very long post so I'll keep it as brief as I can, I had tried to search for threads which had stories similar to mine but I don't know what I'm doing :)
In the last few months I have turned from working full time long hrs as a carer , Love my job, but in November I got ill, I've always suffererd with my chest and am asthmatic, but this time it was worse, I ended up with pneumonia/pleurisy, carried on working like an idiot, managed it til early jan then had no choice but to take forced time off. I have been on the sick since. None of the stuff given to me has worked and I stil have infected lungs and have now been refered to a thoraic speciaist. During the time I have been on the sick I have slowly gone down hill, I am tired 95% of the time and prob spend 15 hrs in 24 sleeping, I ache everywhere but some places actually hurt, it goes further than that , loads more things like taking forever to move in a morning...but i am concious of making this post more like a novel. I'm aware that any kind of physical illness leaves you tired and achey but having suffered depression a lot during my life alarm bells have started, though this time it feels a little different , One thing I haven't had before is this consistant knotted feeling in my stomach, without sounding disgusting it's making me run to the loo every few hrs, and the shakes, I'm so anxious with it , and cry....I never cry, like ever and all i do is bloody cry of late. I don't even know what posting all this will acheave to be honest ....reasurence i'm not going nuts I suppose because it feels that way at the minuit,I just can't be bothered to do anythig, house is a mess, i'm a mess and i can't even leave the house
Hi freesoul7435, you are defiantly not going nuts, sounds to me as though you are suffering from depression & anxiety. You're chest illness hasn't helped with this. Have you visited your doctor & told him how you feel? I've suffered from depression all of my life even as a child & terrible anxiety at times. Just lately my depression has become a lot worse, don't know if it's because of my age or what (I'm 52 this year) Like you I can't be bothered to do anything but I make myself do things & feel 10 time as tired after. I expect you feel as though you're the only person on this planet that feels this way? Believe me you're not. I hope you find the help you need
Thank you Mary, during the days after I posted this I went badly downhill which is why I have only just seen your response, I went to see my GP who was pretty helpful for a change :) My blood pressure was through the roof when I got there though so it was obvious I needed help. She put me back on sertraline but wouldn't give me anything to stop the anxiety immediately which I asked for but I suppose she knows what she's doing.
I am concered that she has blamed all of the physical stuff on anxiety but as I see the thoracic specialist in a couple of days I don't suppose it is a big deal as any serious concerns will be picked up on ,
I think what's knocked me so bad is that it's come on without me realising , I have suffered depression since a teen and usually I notice the warning signs of a relaps but being so busy with work ad then having to be signed off is possibly why I only noticed it when I did. I am in a permenant position of panic at the minute, my heart is thumping so bad a lot of the time which is something I haven't had before....not this much anyway, I can't face anything, not even a phone call or a knock on the door, so I just lock myself away and ignore everything which I know is not the answer but it's the only thing that works right now.
I'm hoping the pills won't take the advised time to work and will kick in sooner because all I want to do is get back to the way I was and go back to work, work is an impossible thing at the min but practically I need to be back, I can't live on what sick I get which I'm sure everyone would understand but I can't leave the house at the min unless it's planned and someone is with me. Not even sure if I'm making sense to be honest, There is so much more to it than what I've written bbut again...I a sure everyone who reads this will get what I mean because they've been there...or at least in their own way.
Thanks again anyway, I'm trying to have a look round the site and see other peoples stories , just have no energy at all so spending a lot of time sleeping
Sorry to hear you went down hill but you took the right steps & went to see your GP, I'm glad you did, now they can monitor you. You are making complete sense so don't worry. My partner is on the same medication as you & it's worked really well for him. Make sure you talk to people about your condition when you feel up to it, it will help them understand & it will also help you. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, we both know that, only sometimes it takes a little longer to shine through. You take care & hope you feel much better soon, don't push yourself, take one day at a time. Message me anytime. x x
Oh that's good to hear, I did have sertraline before but stupidly took myself off it after a couple of weeks, that was last year when I came off pills completely, think I was running before I could walk, felt bit better got a job stopped everything and dived into very long hrs head first and burnt myself out both physically and mentally, hindsight is lovely isn't it :) I'm glad to hear it works well for your partner, any kind of mental health illness is so debilitating isn't it and not nearly as understood as it should be.
At the minute I'm trying to take one day at a time, it's the anxiety side of things I'm struggling with the most because it's a constant feeling of extreme worry and wanting to be sick and it's so tiring and feels like it's going to be like it forever. I am lucky enough to have the best friend anyone could ask for we've known each other since childhood and have been through everything together, sadly she has been through so much so I do limit what I talk about as she really doesn't need any more stress and trauma in her life, she has been great about everything though and I know she is there for me any time of day or night. I've been kind of hoping that the pills will work soon and having someone to talk to won't be an issue because aside My friend I have nobody else.
I'm sorry I feel like I'm doing nothing but moan and I know everyone on here has problems of their own, I've just had such a low...probably the lowest so far week and although depression has been here for some time on and off this time it's different and all new to me, this time I can't hide it so well
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