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Are we allowed to discuss suicide on this site?
You are allowed to talk about how you have overcome the suicidal thoughts and get better, but not ways to do it, etc... We try to stay as helpful and positive as possible on this site.
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It was 1962 and I was 15 years old and was alone with my father in the house when my dad committed suicide .
There was a massive argument with with family friends of my mum that day. After a fight my mum left the house with her friends and returned early hours next morning. Dad was crying, I tried to comfort him but he wanted to go to bed around 10pm. Dad took an overdose of barbituates< I stayed in the lounge, then went to bed myself. I had no idea what dad intended to do. I heard my mum scream around 2am. I went in to see dad. I sat down and held my dads hand until the ambulance men came to take him away. That was the last time I saw him. His breathing was like nothing I had heard before. Dad died on the way to hospital. Dad was 47 years old.
From that day in October 1962 my life as I knew it changed from fun and laughter day in and day out with my dad to...nothing!
A lot of things have happened to me during my life, bad health, still born child, cardiac arrest but, I have never ever got over my dads passing. I am 68 years old and I can see that day as clear today as it was then.
I have had suicidal thoughts myself in the past when I've been so down in myself. Depression can play bad tricks on the mind. I was never offered any help with coping with my dads death, I didn't think there was any help back then. I still have up and down days but, I am able to see what is happening to me and act on it and get past the situation using the fight or flight method You can either run and things get worse or you can fight and deal with the situation you are in.
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I'm sorry for your experience, Astra. Suicide is a despairing act, as you know yourself as you mention you have had those thoughts yourself. I battle almost daily with suicidal ideation and for want of a better expression, it sucks! It's hard, life is hard and no doubt your Dad was suffering badly.
I hope you are having a good day today
I have been experiencing suicidal notions on and off for a while now, and they are quite frightening. I genuinely do feel that there is a different person inside me, and I don't know what it is capable off. I have been going through hell with my personal life for the best part of 10 years now, and have so far managed to try and find positives in m life to keep me focused. Now, the will seems to be going quicker and quicker, and although i have animal responsibilities in my life, I do sometimes tell myself that as long as i find them good homes, it'll be ok and I can go. It hurts me so much to feel this way, but i feel so suffocated by everything. It's horrible having this voice in your head reminding you that you cannot feel happiness, or enjoy yourself, because you have amounted to nothing and have nothing to be grateful. Just fears and worries about living day-to-day life. It really doesn't help that now i have financial worries, too. I really am a disappointment.
Hi Mary, I'm sorry your feeling so low in yourself. First of all, you are NOT worthless, no-one is. I know that feeling very well. In my second marriage I was manipulated, intimidated and patronized most of the time and what ever I said or done was wrong. I felt so low and I had contemplated suicide. This went on for 30 years. Hubby (now ex hubby) was paranoid. He timed me when I went shopping and if I spoke to anyone especially a man, he would give me the third degree. In the end I didn't go out on my own. Even now I don't talk to anyone or socialize. We are still friends and help one another.
Hubby was diagnosed in 1970 with Manic Depression. Now days its called Bipolar. Hubby has got severe Bipolar and has contemplated suicide. I understand why he feels this way because he is badly ill. He is terminal . He has had 2 Heart Attacks, hes got Heart Disease, Emphycema and C.O.P.D.
He was given a book it is called Self Help For Your Nerves...by Dr. Clair Weeks . You will find this book is on Amazon. My Hubby didn't bother to read this book but, I did. It helped me to help hubby and myself with his bad times and helped me with my own health issues too. This book had been a God send for me These days I am more laid back these days and take things in my stride. I have been told by people that I don't seem to care about anything when situations arise but, I cope more easier now.
Mary, I know it is hard for you I hope you will get to read the book I mentioned and are able to study it. The book has helped me get through my bad times health as well as other general issues of daily life. I know you can help yourself too. I wouldn't be telling you this if it wasn't true. At the end of the day, we are the only ones who can change things for ourselves, for the better...I hope this don't sound harsh, its not meant to.
Best wishes Astra!
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Hi Astra. First of all, thank you for your words, they were lovely, and sometimes it is (oddly enough) comforting to know that other people have or are experiencing the same feelings as you. You sound amazingly strong to have been part of such a marriage for as long as you did, and I think it is wonderful that you are both still friends and are mangling to help one another. Sometimes its a collaborative strength that helps us pull through.
The book you mentioned sounds fantastic, and if it has helped you better assess situations in your life, then I think it has been a success. I will hunt it out, as I know that I have the capability to try and see the positives in bad situations, so if it can help me to handle tougher times better, then it'll be a well-read addition to my bookshelf!
Thank you for your help and support, and I hope to talk to you soon!
@MaryBee Hi Kirsty...Thnx for your reply. I am pleased that my last comment is of some help to you. And, always remember YOU ARE A WORTHY PERSON, hold your head high above any thing that is thrown your way or any bad mouthing aimed at you. You are your own person, your being is your space, no-one elses! People who we love the most can be so over powering at times and we forget who we are ourselves.
I forgot to mention about ex hubby. What I mentioned they were the bad days, the low days of anger, frustration and pain. On good days hubby is a pussy cat and a lovely person but, his mood swings seem to be more and more these days because of his illnesses and pains. I like to add, hubby has never laid a hand on me, its been close to it but no, he hasn't hurt me in any way, I only get verbal from him in bad moods. But I'm hard skinned so, I don't care, I can cope with that...I understand him and what is happening to him!
On my first post at the top of this page about my father. My dad had Manic Depression too. In those early days Manic Depression wasn't recognized. Dad had good and bad days too My dad didn't have all the illnesses hubby has though. But, he had bad nightmares and fears and anger since the ww11 days like a lot of soldiers did from those days. I have grown up with depression. Dad had many manic days of hysterical laughter and we laughed and laughed and clowned around a lot but, he seemed to turn all of a sudden just like hubby from high to low moods, laughter, anger too sitting quite with his head in his hands, pains in his head, exhaustion or crying. Dads bad moods were scary and my mum made me stay in my bedroom and she took all the flack from him when things were bad. When dad was alright he was a nice person a loving husband to mum and a loving father to me too and he got on well with people too and life at home was good.
Yes, Manic Depression/Bipolar can be really scary for the person who has it and for those around them. As I was growing up I came to realize what was wrong with my father. I then recognized hubbies illness to be exactly the same! I think that's why I am able to cope with all the situations concerning Manic Depression/Bipolar with hubby. I too have up and down days of depression, nothing like manic or anything. I suppose it is expected as I have been living with depression all my life.
I hope my experiences or dealing with Manic Depression/Bipolar has helped you or anyone understand what the person who has got it or the person who is around it is going through.
Best Wishes Astra!
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