Trying so hard but feeling like....
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i'm trying so very very hard but feeling like a failure as a mother and as a wife... because things are so hard i feel like i am falling apart i am doing everything in my power not to let things break beyond my control but everything has me breaking on my knees... first of all i have a crippling sickness in my back known as prolapse disc secondly due to everything that has been going on with the prolapse disc and everything i have been through i also have osteoarthritis... now here's where things get tricky i am a married mum of two although myself and my husband are in two different places due to him being in the city studying... i am between things my husband told me two weeks ago that if i don't dress like certain people or in a certain way that will attract him if something happens i.e he cheats on me it's my fault which is wrong as that's just and excuse... but also when i wanted to avoid arguing he told me that he cannot come home as he had done enough in the eight years we have been together and i haven't changed and truth is i have i am just in so much pain functioning every day is hard most jobs to be done around the house feel like a serious military training course... secondly the doctors told me i am not supposed to be doing so much stuff including moving the furniture to clean under them and he promised to help me as i am really being crippled... for a few weeks he did then he reverted to saying i haven't changed and i am lazy..... next i feel like i am failing my two wonderful children because they are really acting up especially my 6 year old son who has a habit of lying stealing, hitting & kicking me, doing everything he shouldn't be doing having me to discipline him time and time again for the same thing... but he now has his little sister lying to me, and she keeps biting although i have disciplined her every time... and because they both made me so mad today i had to discipline them both and i felt terrible after it... i feel like i am failing as a mother i am doing my all for them... i know part of the reason for my son's behavior is his dad's fault but it's all on my shoulders and i have been trying everything and i am feeling pretty bad... i feel like i am useless at everything and thanks to a whole lot of stress i have a patch of hair loss on my hairline and i am very self conscious of it... i wish my mummy was still alive.... too much is going on....
i feel like i am failing,
i feel like i am falling.....
i really don't know what to do....
:( :( :( :( :(
Hi your husband, sounds like a self centred pig, his attitude sounds vile, and it actually sounds like he actually makes you, and your children unhappy, my first suggestion would be to divorce this evil man.
I'd consider asking family or friends to help you get some respite, away from the constant demands of your children, and for you to do something nice for yourself, perhaps have family or friends to watch your children, outside of school hours, so you can go to work, and restore some of that self worth, that you seem to be missing
Maybe ask family or friends to help with the cleaning, or even set chores for your children to help you, or even pay someone a little something to do the cleaning for you
Things will get better, but first you need to start addressing the things that make you unhappy, in bitesize chunks.
Good Luck, and I hope things get better for you soon
*Hugs wrapped with Love*
Stumpy. X x x
See the signature
I completely agree with Stumpy. Write a list of positive and negative things in your life .
What would make you happy?
What would you change?
What would you like to do just for 'you'?
Delve down deep and ask yourself; are you truly happy ?
If the answer is 'no' What can you do to change it?
You really do need to do a lot of deep down soul searching. You may be afraid of making changes but at the end of the day this is YOUR life. Only you can change it ;waiting for someone to come and do it or for it to change all by itself in reality is never going to happen.
Never ever question/blame yourself to justify someone else's actions; let them own their own failings.
You are a wonderful, caring lady who is struggling alone . Your husband needs to step up to the plate and prove himself; not the other way round. He is dragging you down ; something that you do not need nor deserve.
He is sucking the life out of you. You are living the life of a single parent ,so make it become reality. Go and get legal advice. You need to stand up to his bullying ways. Show him that you are not the doormat that he takes you for.
Let him put his money where his mouth is but do it legally. If he can't be a decent dad in person then let his money c/o the legal system give you what you and your children deserve. Security.
Take control of your life.
I don't know where you live but I am sure that there will be some sort of help for parents just like yourself struggling to bring up your children. It is called 'Surestart' . They offer both practical and financial advise/help. It is not a reflection on your parenting ;it is there to help you. Children constantly push boundaries and your children are no different .It is hard standing your ground when you are in so much pain.
Only you can decide whether you wish to continue this way of life or get out and live a life that will bring you happiness in the long run.
Yes, it must be frightening but as the saying goes; the first step is the hardest'
It may not be as frightening as you 'think'
Good luck ; keep posting as the support is always here.
Thanks guys but seen as both my parents are dead sometime now... There's nobody I can turn to really so I'm just putting one foot in front of the other right now
Hi DiGyal, Do you not have any close friends for you to confide/get support from?
Have you looked at any support groups locally or asked your GP for help/referrals?
Citizens Advice may be able to help ?
The feeling of loneliness is so horrible and that is why you must ask our for help as there will be somewhere /someone that can offer you your much needed support.
Be gentle on yourself.
Oh you poor love!
Your Husband should be ashamed of himself for his cruel words and attitude.
I don't have any solid advice to offer [I'm in an emotional/tearful mess myself] but I just wanted to say that you DO have people to lean on: you have us, your fellow Carenity members.
I wish I could offer more than mere sympathy, but all I can do is support from afar and send healing hugs and positive vibes your way.
Look after yourself. xxx
and thanks again guys it's just one bad thing after another at the moment and it's all getting a bit much
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