Driving my anxiety crazy
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I know this post isn't really relevant, but its troubling me a lot. When I was fourteen I started seeing my first boyfriend. I was hopelessly in love with him. I was so happy. But we were young ad stupid and things didn't work out. We broke up after 8 months but kept seeing each other on and off for another two years. I finally decided I needed something more stable and officially ended it. A few months later I met my current boyfriend and we're together just shy of two years. A week ago, my ex got back in touch with me. Completely innocent, just said that it killed him that we ended on poor terms that he thought we should try and mend things. And at first it was great. I liked having him back in my life and things were fine.
But then as they do the feelings started coming back. To both of us. Things always felt different between the two. I fell in love with my ex and I think I fell in love with my current boyfriend but I've never felt the same way about him as I did with my ex. Things are just so different. I don't really have the butterflies with my current boyfriend that I had with my ex and I don't know what to do.
I'd love to give things another go with me ex but when I think about how things were before,and the problems that we had I'm terrified it would end up like that again; and how would i feel if I threw away a perfectly good thing with my current partner for something that might never last.
This is driving my anxiety crazy.
How do I know what to do :'(
We all look through rose tinted glasses concerning our 'first loves" In reality you can never recapture those first flushes of love or that feeling .
Time stands still for no man and nor does that feeling from all those years ago; it is impossible as you have grown in to an adult. You were both young and didn't know any different.
You also broke up for a reason.
As regarding those feelings of no longer getting butterflies within your new relationship that is normal, relationships have to be worked on. All relationships will eventually lose those sparks /butterflies in time as we settle in to them. It is up to us as individuals to keep that spark alight.
The excitement is probably caused as a result of doing something that you know you really shouldn't. Once the novelty wears off it will be no different from what you have got now
As the ex wife [over 30 yrs marriage]my now ex did that and he probably felt the same as you; excited, couldn't believe that he had 2 women at the same time. However, in the end guilt got the better of him and believe me he has lost everything when he was found out.
Invest time and effort in the man who you say gives you a perfectly good life
Have date days/nights. Do silly childish things. Inject romance.
If you are prepared to lose everything based on childhood memories then do the honest thing before you hurt your partner; tell him please don't do it behind his back.
I wish you well.
It is always easy to just remember the good times of a past relationship and forget the bad. This relationship ended for a good reason and you were happy with your decision until he contacted you out of the blue. Is it possible that his interest is sparked by the fact that you are in another settled relationship and it may abate when he succeeds in breaking that up. We all remember our first love fondly but that's what they are the"first", when we are young and inexperienced. In my experience you can never go back, you are older now and want different things than when you were 14. My advice would be to cut off contact treasure your memories and look to the future. I hope what ever you decide that all works out well for you and you are happy.
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