Depression Forum

While retirement for me has been quite a ride dealing with other family members and issues, so never had time to rest. We have today a great new world to explore online which was never really existed before. I am not a member of Facebook or any social media but discover so many groups operate online that are very accessable. For me I took over caring for our grandchild, finding no help anywhere, until I used my wife's account to explore groups, Bingo, there was several excellent groups. So whatever your interest in life there will be groups online of like minded people. These groups are quite good of ensuring your identity so you don't get any 'strange individuals' in your chosen group. Like you say you have all sorts of charity work to explore, my brother's widow volunteers to help out at the old peoples home her mother enjoyed her last days. Holiday options for our age group for singles as well as couples.

I have a static in Norfolk that we could stay March until November at a relatively low price which has been a fantastic haven in the summer. Being a little old fashioned it does not have large groups of children, mainly like minded people like ourselves, so a great social life if you want it. Some older people do the opposite in winter seasons and stay abroad, out of season for pennies with like minded people. Sadly for us we are back to school holidays due to our 9 year old grandchild so greatly restricted, thrust into being a parent again is quite a lesson in life.

Family is you greatest asset as we get older we need their support and safeguarding covering our backs. So the 'world is your oyster' but you have to put yourself out there, it won't come to you. Get out there and embrace it, it can be great fun, good luck!

Hi @sadone just seen this discussion & felt the need to ‘jump into’ too. I think your other 3 ‘correspondents’ all had invaluable suggestions re: how to move on. I personally feel whenever situations like yours are experienced, the person (i.e. you) does naturally feel so alone but truly believe the vast majority of us have been ‘where you are’ at the moment.

I was widowed just over 4 years ago, have a multitude of health conditions & now 72. I have lived on my own since my husband passed & NO, I don’t think it’s ever easy but life does carry - probably never the easiest task we all have to do. This certainly does take time and the time this takes, I’ve found, can vary between each of us - I’m sincerely hoping you will feel/begin to know when the time is right for you to do this.

I’ve, personally, have always struggled with ‘accepting’ what life continues to throw at myself but perhaps because of needing to get on, eventually, have increasingly found I had 2 choices in these situations. 1- I could stay in the dark, unhappy place where I was or 2- CHANGE this by thinking/actively doing things differently. Instead of staying in my house alone / avoiding going out un til I had no choice, I made myself go out, initially to do some necessary shopping and then including thinking/planning, even if just looking (& not actually buying) anything that could possibly/hopefully help me to smile, be happier again.

Time really has been a great healer for me. I had been bereaved & felt bereft a number of times in the past. The 1 person always being ‘left behind/alone’ being myself, so consequently, slowly came to the conclusion, I needed to rely on myself, learn to ‘find the person’ I’d been’ before being on my own. I began by re-connecting/interacting more with the people that had been part of my life ‘before’. This somehow expanded to going to different places, meeting new people - sometimes they became part of my current life, sometimes not. All of these connections simply involved social interactions only. I’ve always strongly believed & had experienced that my ‘romantic relationships’ evolved without any pre-planning whatsoever - if/when things are ‘meant to be’ they naturally happen. At the moment @sadone, perhaps simply focus on yourself - hopefully find out ‘who YOU actually are’? Life has a way, if/when I’ve simply kept myself open to whatever comes my way. Wishing you all the very best in the future.

What child does not have issues these days, certainly mine have issues ranging from self harm, drug abuse, mental health issues, sexual abuse etc. etc. Getting them to talk about it has always been an issue and getting help from the NHS a lost cause. Is there anyone in the family close to you daughter that may be able to get her to talk as parents sometimes are seen as the enemy or they don't want you to know they have made a mistake. Sadly today children seem to be glued to the 'online experiencies' rather than making direct friends. We were very worried about my daughter as she had no direct local friends, her whole life based online. It was not until we had some chats with friends that this seem to be a trend.

If you can gain some hint of her 'problem' there are some excellent groups on Facebook that can inform and share real experience of diverse problems. I must admit I found out to late of such groups and how useful they are, virtually every subject/issue is covered. I just had the delight of adopting our granddaughter through an SGO, the worst experience of our lives. Both parents have mental health problems, both tried to commit suicide, self harm etc. during the process. Social Services were terrible, lying in court, appalling dishonesty and no help anywhere. We won our case despite objections from Social Services the judge saw through their lies. But the point is, I found the Facebook groups with lots of similar experiencies of people all over the country, all to late but we were not alone. So my point is, try to identify her area of issues and look for a group with similar experiencies.

I had to section my son for a few days earlier this year but the NHS system is broken and discharging them quickly seems to be their intention. They now have him on various drugs and increasing strength, the Mother of our grandchild with serious mental issues where I supervise her on any contact, as directed by the courts. I have used various phycologists and therapists over many years and recent a therapist with our grandchild to check out our concerns, she was fantastic, no issues found thankfully. So there are various options for sourcing them online locally, therapists cheaper than phycologists. For the recent therapist, last year it was £55 a session and years ago phycologists triple or a lot more.

You may find it may be bullying of somekind and not more serious problems, talking is the best way to get a hint of the issue. Good luck!

@Pippadog Yes I switched over to the electric overblankets for nearly tenty years ago and never was cold again. My wife uses her side just to warm her up but I enjoy the full overnight heat and improved my sleep no end. So cheap to use and I have one at my static caravan, very useful this Easter being so cold!